Saturday, February 6, 2010

A week ago... right now...

A week ago right now, I lived in a beautiful, beloved home
that I can hardly remember right now,
as I sit here in this giant, cold building I can not leave.
.
My biggest concerns were how I would gently remind Matt, without nagging,
that the undecorated Christmas tree still needed to be carried down to the storage room.
.
It was driving me crazy that it was already the end of January
and my Valentine's Day decorations were still not up.
.
I was far too frustrated by the final five pounds I've been battling so hard against.
The ones that simply refused to melt off my hips.
.
I was trying to figure out how to squeeze in a pedicure that afternoon
and still get the laundry caught up.
.
Worried about getting the invitations out for our Super Bowl Party.
(Who is playing again?)
.
And anxious to getting started right away on my next book.
.
Who was that girl?
I want to go back in time and warn her that her charmed life is about to be turned upside down.
That someone is about to pull out the rug...
.
Right now, there was bath water running into the tub.
Right now, I was walking down the hall for the pajamas.
Right now, I was thinking that I could quickly put away the laundry.
Right then, I had forgotten what was most important...
.
I want to shout to her, "No! Don't leave them!"
"Hurry back! They need you!"
"Stop! That will wait!"
.
How I wish I could turn back the clock.
Life can turn on a dime...
.
.
Right now, my biggest concern is if my baby can get enough oxygen to keep himself alive
as they try to wean him off the vent.
.
It is driving me crazy that it is the end of the week and we still don't have any idea what his long-term prognosis might be.
.
I zipped up my skinny jeans today and it wasn't nearly as exciting as I'd imagined it would be.
The motherload of poop we found in Bronson's diaper yesterday was 10x more thrilling.
Maybe 100x!
Funny how perspective can change...

157 comments:

Jill said...

Sara,

I am praying that everything turns out well for your sweet Bronson.

Anonymous said...

I know you don't know me, but I am very touched by your story that was posted on a babycenter message board, and I want you to know you're getting prayers from Nebraska.

Love from Mobile said...

My thoughts and prayers were with you this morning. You have prayers for you, your family, and your sweet son from Mobile, Alabama.

FRANK AND HEATHER MAILE said...

I hope you get some answers soon. It has got to be agonizing to just play the waiting game. I check back pretty much on an hourly basis. I know that this story is impacting people in ways you can't even comprehend. I just can't snuggle my kids enough right now. My heart just aches that you are going through this to be that reminder. You are in my constant thoughts and prayers. Love, Heather (Logan, UT)

meg said...

Our perspective is changed, hopefully for good. Our wandering thoughts and actions of frivolity have taken a 180 to prayers and thoughts for Bronson, longer hugs with my kids, and our Savior. We pray Bronson will be able to breathe on his own! Sending all our love!

Melanie Anne said...

Dear Matt and Sara,

Mike sent Brad an email about your little boy and link to your blog. We read it together and wanted to leave you a note that we are praying for you and little Bronson here Tennessee. We will put his name on the Nashville temple prayer roll today and tomorrow our family will fast for him. (3 of our 5 boys are old enough to fast and would love to do it for Bronson) I have never met you Sara--but I remember when Matt helped Brad wire our basement--back when I was expecting my 4th boy. He was so nice to help us. Anyway--you are in my heart and prayers and just wanted you to know that.
Love,
Melanie and Brad Christensen

The Nowells.... said...

Sara...i read your story a couple days ago when i stumbled upon it through a friend on facebook!!! I can only imagine a small amount of what you and your family are going through...as i read your story all of the feelings of being in the PICU at PCMC came flooding back. I have been there several times in the last year with my baby boy as well. Sara my families prayers are with your little guy...find comfort in knowing that heavenly father will do what is best for sweet little Bronson. Your faith is AMAZING..i read your posts and understand all to well how fast life can change. Stay strong and know that we are praying!!!!

natalie said...

Yay for poop!

Adi said...

I'm praying for him! My heart aches for you. My neighbor went through a similar experience when I was child but kade didn't show nearly as much response as Bronson has and passed away. I'm praying and hoping with all my might that God will grant you a miracle. I know faith can move mountains, I've seen it first hand and I hope God's will is that Bronson stays on with you. He really is in one of the best children hospitals. What a blessing that you were already in Utah and such a short distance from it. My heart goes out to your family. You've got my prayers for your beloved son.

With love,
Adi from Ft Knox

Crystal said...

I'm another one you don't know but have had you, your precious Bronson and your family on my heart and mind consistanly since last night. I can only imagine the last week has probably felt like an eternity to you but hope that you can somehow feel the love and support surronding you, even from complete strangers....I just want to get in my car and drive to you to give you a hug! Figured that might be a little creepy though :)God bless you and your family....he's amazing and has your precious baby in his hands!!!!

Michelle Jones said...

Our family will be fasting for Bronson and your family on Sunday. Our prayers are for you everyday.

Karen Duncan said...

Victoria Marie Caine: my thoughts and prayers are with the staker family!!!! can't imagine the pain and suffering their going through.. You both have strong faith!!! the lord is watchin over your little boy at this moment. You have a beautiful little boy and he is so strong. Am so happy he is making progress xoxox

Anj said...

As many of the others, I am often checking your blog for updates on sweet Bronson.
And as many of the others, I don't know you.

I am crying,
I am praying,
I am begging,
I am pleading
with the Lord in you behalf.

Deena said...

Hi Sara and Matt,
I'm in your ward though we haven't met yet, but have be following the blog ever since I got the first email message from the RS.
I have thought of you often through these days and add my prayers to those who love you and yours. I am in awe of the faith, courage and love you and Matt share.
I'll continue to pray for you.

Deena

kjewell said...

Sara,

You may not remember me...I am Kimberly Whitmer's sis-in-law. Sending many prayers and lots of love to you and yours.

Hopeful,
Kelly Andrews

tammy said...

God bless you guys and know that someone in P.G. is praying for you and hoping Bronson continues to improve. Thank you for your updates. As a mother I feel so many things when I read your posts. Again, love in P.G.!

Babata said...

Hi Sara, a week ago today we exchanged "hellos" at the gym. Kara and I thought about you this morning. She cried when she told her pump class about Bronson. Please know that you are thought about often. I, too, wish I could go back to "that girl" last Saturday and give her a huge hug! You are loved and teaching us so many lessons.

Bri!!! said...

Prayers coming your way from Albuquerque NM. May your Bronson be healed and whole!

Candace said...

Still sending prayers from NC...

jess said...

Prayers continue, will not stop until he is safe and whole back at home with you. I am sorry a million times over.

The Linfords said...

Still praying Sara... Yay for poop :) keep up the faith girl!

Deb said...

I too am a stranger in your life - following your family on your blog. I will pray for you and your family to find the guidance and strength in the love and support you are feeling from all over - including Idaho. I will hug my grown children and my nearly 3 year old grandson and pray we can keep life in perspective.

Caro said...

Sara: keep your spirits up. Here come more prayers from Germany. And hug your big ones too, okay?

Bongioanni Family said...

We are praying for you and your family. May God give you all the comfort you need at this time. Sending our love, from Panama City, Florida.

Jill said...

Sara and Matt... I never thought I would look forward to Fast Sunday so much! Our family will be praying and fasting for Bronson... we are thrilled with any progress you report. Thank you for your beautiful posts, you are strengthening many testimonies of faith and prayer through your experience.
Pilling family

Lisa said...

Sending up many prayers for all of you.

Angela Cassavaugh said...

I'm not sure if you are looking at the "comments" as so much is happening right now. You don't know me but your father works with a good friend of mine Jeanne Hall. I live in Lenoir, NC and am deeping touched by your story..well, not just your "story" but your life. As I read your blog to my mom who is in NY, we both cried and prayed for you. I have 2 little boys and I can't tell you how many times I've cleaned up marker and messes because I just wasn't "looking". Please don't feel guilt... we have ALL done this! We are after all, human... and so imperfect. As much that went wrong that day... so much went right.. from your son yelling for your help to dialing 911 and the quick rescue response!! I won't go on and on... Know that you are cared about and many many prayers are with you! I will be checking your blog often! Thank you & God Bless
~Angela Cassavaugh

kelly said...

I want you to know that your family is in our prayers. We will be fasting as a family for your sweet boy. I am spreading the word here in Texas. Stay stong...your testimony is inspiring.

Cari said...

Sara,
Your family is so beautiful. Thank you for being willing to share your story so openly. Tomorrow my fast will be for you and your family. It is wonderful that you have a church family to support you. We are bound by our love for our Heavenly Father.
Love and prayers from Denali, Alaska.
Cari Smith

Emily@Little Forever Family said...

You are in our prayers. I think I actually remember Bronson from when he was born. I work at AF hospital on the Mom/Baby unit. Prayers definitely (PICU life sucks, sorry, just had to add that) and prayers for the many amazing doctors and nurses that we personally love.

Gina said...

Sara,
You don't know me, but I live in NC and found you through someone else's blog. Your family's story has been so incredibly touching and has changed me this week. I've held my little ones tighter. Your faith is inspiring. As I fast tomorrow, my fast and prayers are for your family.

~Gina

Bobby and M!kell said...

I am with so many of the comments on here. we have never meant but I have you and your family in my prayers constantly. I found your story on fb through a friend of mine who had been told by her cousin. Life can change on a dime. and I have been working on my patience all week and working on not getting distracted. You inspire me with your faith. Thinking of you.
M!kell

Traci said...

Loved seeing you and feeling your spirit! Keep it up Sara, B is so strong and you and Matt together are a powerful force! We love you and know that we pray constantly for you and your family! Love, love, love you!

Bridget said...

Loved the contrast between what you thought would be exciting: fitting into your skinny jeans and what is TRULY exciting: Bronson's body doing what it should be doing. I anxiously await your blog posts to hear of Bronson's progress. No, I don't know you or your family. Yes, I have shed many tears for you and your family and prayed with a fullness of heart that you will come out of this with increased faith and understanding of our Heavenly Father's plan.

Way to cast out fear.
Much love,
Bridget

Anonymous said...

POOP is never great until it DOESN'T happen. But when it does, when it finally makes its stinking appearance WE ARE EXSTATIC!!!Keep your mind focused on the little things. Poop returning and tubes leaving!! You are an incredible woman with the faith of a mustard seed. With it your faith will move mountains!!! Hang in there...

Katie said...

Praying for you and your sweet little one from Birmingham, AL. All of our thoughts are with you.

Katie & Paul and our joys
Paul Vincent & Christopher

Anonymous said...

Our tree is still up and DECORATED!! You are ahead of someone ;) (((((HUGS)))))))

The Penn Peay Family said...

A friend on Facebook shared your story with us. I can't stop thinking of you and your family.
Our prayers are with your family, and although I have never met you. I feel like I have from reading this. No power is stronger then the Priesthood & the faith & humility it takes to trust in it and the Lord. God bless you! Glod bless your little fighter & the rest of the boys that surround your life.

Much Love,
The Penn Peay Family.

Julie M. said...

I don't know you either, but am thinking of you constantly. I saw your story on FB. I can't imagine all you are going through. I wish I was there to help in some way. Know that we are thinking and praying for you here in St. Louis, MO.

Candace said...

I know you don't know me, a friend of mine just happen to come across your blog. I have sat here with tears in my eyes praying to God for your little boy's health & mind. Praying for your entire family & the doctors and nurses that care for him. My entire family & friends are all praying for your little Bronson, because of reading your story I have held my little boy tighter.

sending our love from Mocksville, NC.
-Candace

Amy said...

I don't know you,you don't know me somehow my sister found your blog and told me about it. I have a son that is a month older than Bronson, and a daughter that is 3 When I read your post I silently started sobbing. Reading your updates have been so emotional and faith building. You are an amazing example of strength and faith. I am praying for you and your sweet family. My heart goes out to you guys. I know that by fasting and prayer miracles can happen. A nephew of mine had encephalitis twice with in the first 2 months of his life. The second time the doctors said he would probably be a vegetable. We heard that immediately began fasting and praying as a family. He is Bronson's age. The doctors are in awe of how well he is doing slowly but surely he is catching up to his cousins. Thank you for sharing your story, making me more careful and aware.

Lucy said...

Your little boy is so lucky to have you two for his parents. You are so strong to go through this and god knows you are too. My eye's were filled with tears. I can't even fathom what your heart is going through.

Love the the Gurney's.

Your in our prays.

The Dragonfly said...

As we knelt in family prayer last night and the name of Bronson passed through my six year old's lips, I felt the Spirit whispering to me that this is what the love of our greater human family can do for one another. Though we do not know you (Sue Richardson passed your story along) we feel love for little Bronson and your family. I am grateful for the opportunity we have to fast and pray for you.

Anonymous said...

Keep having FAITH!Heavenly Father loves you and knows your pain. We are praying for you lil man to make it through at this time. Hang in there.

Shelley said...

Your family and sweet baby Bronson are in our prayers, just a state away in Arizona. Thank you for sharing your testimony and story. I pray you'll have strength to carry on.

Stacy said...

Sara, I'm the sister of a friend of a friend who passed on your story. Amazing how far-reaching the Internet is. I'm also touched by your faith. I can't imagine the nightmare you're going through right now. We'll be fasting and praying for you and we send hugs to each of your family.

Launa said...

Bring on the Poop!!! Keeping you in our prayers!!!

Jessica Breinholt said...

Cute little Bronson and your family are the purpose of our family's fast tomorrow, too.

Sarah Sparks said...

Sara, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

tyler's mommy said...

keeping your family - and sweet sweet bronson - in our thoughts and prayers.

Erica said...

you don't know me. i found your blog through a friend and have been so touched by your sons story. i have a little boy who is just one month younger than bronson. your thoughts have brought me to my knees. you are in our prayers. bronson is in our prayers. we will be pleading with heavenly father with you. we too will include your in our fast tomorrow.

nennermommy said...

My prayers are strong for Bronson, you and your family strength!!!! xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm in your cousin Amy's ward in Rigby. We've been praying for sweet little Bronson and your family and will be fasting for you all tomorrow. I so much appreciate your blog, it has strengthened my faith!

:) Alisha Evans

Marianna said...

Love you! I'll be thinking about you. I am off to my Grandpa's funeral in Oregon. Thank goodness for iphones so I can keep updated on little B! XOXO

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm in your cousin Amy's ward in Rigby. We've been praying for sweet little Bronson and your family and will be fasting for you all tomorrow. I so much appreciate your blog, it has strengthened my faith!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm in your cousin Amy's ward in Rigby. We've been praying for sweet little Bronson and your family and will be fasting for you all tomorrow. I so much appreciate your blog, it has strengthened my faith!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm in your cousin Amy's ward in Rigby. We've been praying for sweet little Bronson and your family and will be fasting for you all tomorrow. I so much appreciate your blog, it has strengthened my faith!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm in your cousin Amy's ward in Rigby. We've been praying for sweet little Bronson and your family and will be fasting for you all tomorrow. I so much appreciate your blog, it has strengthened my faith!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm in your cousin Amy's ward in Rigby. We've been praying for sweet little Bronson and your family and will be fasting for you all tomorrow. I so much appreciate your blog, it has strengthened my faith!

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I am praying for you and your family to be wrapped in God's love as you go through this unimaginable trial.

Ashley Thalman said...

I want, and you need to know, that we all appreciate your candid honesty, your public sorrow and the strength of your hope and positivity.

God speed Bronson- straight on to high O2 levels!

Chanda the Eco-Cheap Mom said...

We are all praying for you!

{jane} said...

perspective is big, isn't it.

i love and have always admired the sara from last saturday morning and the sara from this morning. you are the queen of everything, remember? now with a new perspective. but all the more, i'm still admiring you and always will be.

xoxo

Anonymous said...

we are thinking about you and praying for you! Bronson is in WONDERFUL hands! The pediatric neurologists there are SO completely wonderful and smart!

You aren't alone and you still have a beautiful life, 4 beautiful children, a wonderful husband. The list can go on and on... and one day, you will forgive yourself. No one in life is perfect, we all make mistakes, and we learn, and teach others so inspit of how aweful everything is today, you have touched soooo many lives and have prevented so many more accidents from occuring b/c of your strength to blog and share your story.

Prayers are with you and your family!

Anonymous said...

I too am touched and respond to your situation. And I do not mean to offend you in any way, when I say that you should be open to a discussion with a psychiatrist who should read your blog and explore this matter with you.

I feel you are a sincere person and mother, and for your welfare and that of your family you should get a medical discussion and evaluation for any presence of "M√ľnchausen syndrome by proxy".

Wishing you and all yours a bright future. You have been in my prayers. DAVE

Anonymous said...

I make this annonymous because you don't know me anyway, but I want you to know I will be fasting for your family, the doctors, nurses, but especially for Bronson tomorrow. It looks like the progress will come in baby steps, but he is still a baby, so that's okay. Your blog is amazing and is bringing many people from all over the world together. Hang in there and enjoy the baby steps.

Becky Wertz said...

Thank the lord for small steps forward! And so happy for the poop, never thought I would type that. Still sending hugs and prayers your way

Anonymous said...

You don't know who I am (I am a relative of Becky Johnson Wertz) but I wish I could take away your pain. I sobbed as I read your story and wished that I could reach through my computer and just hold you and tell you that everything will be okay. But I can't and it breaks my heart. My heart aches for you and your family. You will be in my prayers.

see see some said...

your words are so great and uplifting~having lost two husbands to death {one cancer, one suicide} i can feel your pain on how small some things are now~things have a different meaning when one has to deal with grief~~ever since i first found your blog 2 days ago, my thoughts and prayers have been with you and your family~i hope the healing angels{i am assuming here you believe in healing angels} constantly surround your little one and your family~regardless of God's out come, it's going to be a lot of healing needed for your wonderful family~
i was drawn into reading some of your past posts~your beliefs inspire me to be a better person
your families faith is a great testament
one can easily see that you truely believe and live it~it's inspiring

Matthew said...

Sara,

I am a friend of Natalie Norton and I am praying for you and your little boy. Peace!

Laurie

Scott & Tami said...

Hang in there Sara!!! We are fasting for Bronson, the doctors, you, Matt, and your other 3 boys tomorrow. Can't wait to hear about the next improvement in Bronson.

Tami Nelson
Highlands Ranch, CO

SIMCOX FAMILY said...

Sara and Matt,
You guys are awesome and we love you so much. Roberta and I are fasting for Bronson. Your blog posts are incredible. We will continue to pray everyday and fast. Love Tye and Roberta

Cordie said...

I check your blog constantly! I pray that one time I will check and a miracle will have happened and you will get to finally take little B home where you can snuggle him all day long.

Tate Family said...

Sara, you took pics of my first boy seven years ago...my mom is CA Lorscheider. We have never gotten our kids through family prayers w/o interruptions from our 2 year old ...until last night, as we prayed for Bronson together, ALL our love and prayers are coming as well...

Bartons said...

Like many of the others you don't know me, a cousin told me about your blog and I was reluctant to read because she told me it was about a accident involving a child. I am glad that I did so that I can pray for your baby...you are such an AMAZING person!! I have a very strong testimony of priesthood blessings and I know heavenly father is watching over you and your sweet family...you have truly inspired me, Thank You
My thoughts and prayers are with your family
Rachel
Draper, Ut.

Megan and Devin said...

I too am someone you don't know. I found your blog through a friend's....so many are praying for you! I used to work as a nurse at PCMC (3rd floor surgical unit) until this past August when my husband and I moved away for medical school. My twin sister still works there.
I hope one day soon I'll read that he was able to transfer out of ICU! Just know your little boy is being cared for by the very best medical team there is!
Praying for you from Arizona!

Anonymous said...

Prayers from Oregon

Anonymous said...

Prayers from Oregon

Christensen's said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You and your sweet family are in our prayers. I am holding my kids a little closer today and seeing things from a different perspective for sure!

Love from Fillmore Utah

ginger said...

I received your link from a mutual friend. Your family has been in our prayers and will be the focus of our fast tomorrow. Hold strong to your faith and lean on our HF. Love you!

Tracie said...

I found your blog through "Safe Haven", I believe. I want you to know that all of you are in my prayers.
I don't want to give false hope but...my friend's little boy nearly drowned. He was out for nearly a week and a half before he woke up. He is now 8 years old and you couldn't tell anything ever happened. He is your every day, wonderful kid in all ways. He was under water for an estimated 12 minutes (mom thought g'ma had him, g'ma thought mom had him).
Praying, praying, praying!
Tracie in GA

Samuel Morris Foundation said...

Sarah,

We have been where you are, the waiting the anxiety, the guilt.

We have established a foundation to support children like Bronson, although we are located in Australia.

If there is anything that we can do for you, Bronson or the rest of your family please do not hesitate to ask us.

All our contact details are on our website at www.samuelmorrisfoundation.org.au

Stella said...

Sara I have cried and cried for your family and for Bronson and Matt. I know Matt from Granger but I moved before you got there. Granger kind of knows me as the Little Mermaid girl.

I just want to thank you for sharing this experience with all of us. I have never seen anything like this before. The love and prayers that are coming from all over the world is truly amazing.

For the first time I understand that we are all truly brothers and sisters and that we do love each other very much.

Today I was a better mom! Thank you! My family is praying and fasting for you today!

Love Stella from Austin, TX

Melanee said...

This was passed to me from a friend of a friend and I actually know a few people on your blogs you like. I am in Payson (not far) and can only say I am sorry. Words cannot express the love and sorrow I feel for you.

I wish you the best! My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and many friends. May God's will be what you pray for and may you be comforted by that.

Ams said...

Hang in there my friend...
Everything is going to be okay. I can feel it... just one step at a time, one prayer at a time. Sending all my love and prayers!

Jesicca said...

Sara,
You are an amazing woman with an incredible outlook and perspective on life then and now.
Pres. Monson has a wonderful article in the Jan. Ensign about looking ahead and not returning to the past.
You are all in our constant thoughts and prayers.
XOXO

stacy said...

our family fast will be for your family tomorrow but mostly for little B. SO GLAD it's fast sunday. hang on there sweetness.

Toni Dee! said...

Love and prayers sent your way from our little family in Dallas!!!

Carly said...

my friend posted your blog on facebook asking for prayers (she doesnt know your family either-from spanish fork)
i want you to know that when i heard what happened i thought oh the baby must be like 9 months old or something, or is just learning to walk. I wouldnt think walking away for a quick second is a big deal. I am sorry this is the way I learned but thank you for posting on your blog because you are encouraging us all to be better mothers.
last night in my prayers I begged and pleaded with our heavenly father along with the others around the world to help heal your baby boy and that you will forgive yourself. im holding my 5 month old and i just became about 10x more paranoid because life is SO fragile. Now when I am thinking "should i go check on him? make sure the blanket isnt over his face?" i am going to get up and check, instead of brush off the feeling.
we will continue to pray for you and keep checking back to see his progress.

love Carly
Northern Utah

Tonya's Sewing Room said...

WOW, I was sent a link to your blog and told to start reading it beginning with Feb 1st. Just remember and I know you do. GOD is great! I am praying for your sweet baby boy Bronson. From North Carolina.

Sara*P said...

I just want you to know that I'm another mom crying with you and praying with you. I had twins in the NICU for a month and there are so many ups and downs. Your love and faith are wonderful. xoxo

Laurie A Ramirez said...

You don't know me, but I saw the link on Lisa's FB page. Your blog post brought me to tears. I can't imagine what you are going through, but my thoughts and prayers are with you, also from NC. I wish the best for beautiful Bronson.

Jen said...

As I gave my 3 and 5 yr old boys a bath tonight I told them your story. I told them I wouldn't walk away to do the dishes like I usually do. I think you for teaching me/reminding me although I wish you hadn't had to learn this lesson the hard way. Both boys promised to pray for Bronson tonight in our family prayer and personal prayers. Good luck.

TARA WARTHEN MADSEN said...

Sara - I'm an LDS mother of 2 boys, ages 3 and 18 mos., living in Murrieta, CA. I think of Bronson all throughout the day and pray for him frequently - even my 3 year old has prayed for him. I am amazed at your strength to even keep a blog during this ever-so-trying time. I am also amazed at your faith in the Lord and in His will. Keep the updates coming - there are many, many, many people (most of whom you probably don't even know) pulling for your precious boy.

The Bookworm said...

Many continued prayers from Japan!

Marcie said...

I am praying for you from my little town in New Hamphsire and also hugging my twins extra tight. Be well Baby Bronson!

Mandee said...

hi there- i know you don't know me, but I just had to leave a comment to tell you that I am thinking of and praying for your sweet, sweet baby and family. I started reading your blog through a friend of mine (linsey linford), and I just can't stop thinking of you. You're in my thoughts, my heart and my prayers. Thank you for reminding me of the things that can wait- and what's important. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, it's something a mother should never have to endure.

~hugs~

mandee wheelus in san antonio, tx

Kate said...

I am praying for you, sweet Sara, and for your precious Bronson as well.

Anonymous said...

My heartfelt prayers are with Bronson and your entire family. Words are not enough to tell you how very sorry I am that you are living this terrible nightmare. May God make Bronson a miracle baby...Godspeed!

Jodi in FL said...

You don't know me but I found this thru babycenter.

I am praying for you and your family. May Bronson recover with no lasting effects. You are so brave to put your story out there for all of us to see. Thank you for putting things into perspective. I've had a million things in my head every single day that take my focus away from my child, and I hate that this happened to you in order for me to take a deep breath and a step back from the chaos of the daily routine.

Best wishes to you.

Sweet Pea Portraits said...

Ive never met you but your story has touched my heart. I am praying for Bronson and for your family at this time. No guilt, we moms live for our children and sometimes life just happens, there are always "what ifs" but they are nothing but poison. Big hugs to you and your family.

Jen Turner

Anonymous said...

POOP! YAY!
Keep fighting Little B!!!
You have an amazing family to go home to!
Prayers still coming from Texas!

Sabrina C. said...

I found your blog through another one. I am so sorry about Bronson. Please don't keep blaming yourself...it could have happened to any of us. We all have taken our eyes off of our kids to do something else, it's just that most of us have not had to go through what you are going through. Please know that we are lifting Bronson and your whole family up to the Lord.

Dear God.....PLEASE wrap your healing arms around Bronson and restore his health to perfect and new. In Jesus name....Amen.

Caroline said...

Fasting and prayers from Texas.

Cassi said...

I don't know you, but am touched by your sweet Bronson. Our family unfortunately understands a bit of how you are feeling. We will be praying for you.
Cassi

PMC said...

grateful to be able to fast for you today and tomorrow. thank you and we are praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Sara I have been following your story that I came across on Facebook. I just want to let you know that me and my family are praying for you and hope that everything turns out for the best. I just wanted to let you know how deeply sorry we are for what has happened to you and your little family. You are all so strong and I am amazed at your courage each day when I check updates on your blog.

Kristina said...

You don't know me either, but I am praying for your little guy!! We all make mistakes and their is always something in our lives we wish we could change! I pray you can get some much needed rest, and pray tomorrow brings even better news. Much love!!!

Anonymous said...

Praying for your beautiful son -- my heart goes out to you and your family. May God bring you a miracle soon!!

Anonymous said...

you don't know me but I have been following your blog and you have touched my heart in a way that I can't even explain. What happened to you could happen to ANYBODY! I can't stop thinking of your sweet Bronson and your family. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling but it must feel so good to know that you have SO many people praying for you. We went to the temple tonight and I put Bronson's name on the prayer list. As I sat in the beautiful celestial room, I thought of Bronson... and you! Please know that you are in our prayers.
Stay strong, and remember...The Lord will never give us anything that we can't handle!

Anonymous said...

Even though I have never met you or your family, I leave your blog up and hit "refresh" so many times during the day! It's amazing how a complete stranger can affect my life so much..continuing to pray for little Bronson....he has to be the most prayed for child on this Earth!! Bronson is becoming so famous, that you are going to have to shield him from the media when you bring him home! Hire an agent now! :-)

Brekke - Felt Photography said...

Tomorrow is Fast Sunday. I have plead with all my family and friends to fast for Bronson and your family. I hope more do the same. What a great prayer that would be. Keep strong. Keep faithful.

Anonymous said...

I read your blog last night and could not sleep. I prayed for your little boy all night long. I have thought about you all day. I am sorry you are going through this. May God be with you...

Anonymous said...

I read your blog last night and could not sleep. I prayed for your little boy all night long. I have thought about you all day. I am sorry you are going through this. May God be with you...

Anonymous said...

We are praying for you and your family. How are your other boys? My heart truly aches for all of you, but your faith and strength is so inspiring.

Beckie said...

I just found your blog tonight and am so deeply touched. You sound like a FABULOUS mother and wife and a WONDERFUL friend! I don't know you ,but what a beautiful example you are of a woman with a strong testimony and unwavering faith (chase that fear out with faith right?!) Thank you. You, your husband, your boys and sweet Bronson are in my thoughts and prayers here in Ogden.

Michelle Tanner said...

I pray for your child, your family. I pray. Please be strong little man.

howellblog said...

I have followed your blog for a couple of days, even though you we've never met either. I have shed tears as it has brought back an experience I had with my daughter in that same intensive care unit when she had a traumatic brain injury from falling off a horse at a family reunion. I went through a similar experience. I had to deal with all the same emotions, anger, sadness, guilt, etc. It was an aweful thing to go through. At the time I said to my husband, "If I could just see 5 years from now, good or bad, I could make it." The unknown was killing me. But here I am, 8 years later, a changed person with more faith in miracles and more faith in God and a very different perspective. We witnessed a miracle in our daughter's recovery and you'd never know it anything has happened to her. Not always do things work out this way, but I know God is in charge. I feel so sorry for you and your family at this time. We pray for your baby boy and your family as well. Know our family in California is praying for you.

The Hendrix's said...

Hi Sara,
I have never met you, but my heart is broken for your family. I found your blog last night after seeing a link to it on Facebook. I didn't sleep the entire night. I cried, I prayed and I hoped for your family. I prayed for your son and I held my daughters closer today. I am so happy that you are seeing miracles happen for Bronson and I hope you keep being able to say "I told you so."

Anonymous said...

Many prayers today for your family from ours. Stay strong.

Washington

Tisha Kirby said...

...i can't stop reading and re-reading your blog~i read the comments and awestruck at the strangers lives you have touched through this experience...we have all made mistakes as mothers-every last one of us; it could be any one of us crumpled up on the hospital floor...I look at the thousands of strangers who are praying for a little boy and his mother whom they have never met but somehow love with all their hearts...you are going to get through this- and you have united people in a cause that is so beautiful... may you find some peace at this difficult time... you are so loved by so many that you have never even met- that in itself is a miracle- so many praying for your little baby and your family at this time-it isn't important how Bronson got here but what is important is the progress he makes from here on out~ it is a roller coaster- one day you will be brimming with hope and the next day your hope will be crushed...but it will not last forever- you will lead that charmed life once again-you will get through this...too many people are praying, fasting, pleading, begging and hoping... the doctors at PMC are tremendously talented. He could not be in better hands. I know from experience- I have been where you are, I felt so many of the things you are feeling but was too scared to admit them. Look at you...courageous, steadfast in your faith and a shining example to all of us. Bronson has brought a globe to its knees in silent prayer. I hope you realize what you have done- you- through your brave story and honest blog...it is phenomenal~nothing short of a miracle. I love your quote "people who dont believe in God are praying" Sara--that is so true and you, you have done that. My prayers are with you and little Bronson.
tisha kirby
west jordan

Story said...

I don't know you, you don't know me but you are being prayed for here in Escondido, California, everyday I check your blog to see how little man is doing, to see how you are doing, how your Matt is doing, every morning since Ive read your blog I myself have been reminded of how fast can change,Im glad that you aren't beating yourself up for putting those few things away in the drawers, for straightening those shoes, as a mother of 5 I can think of times where Ive done the same thing, thinking, its for but a few seconds, they will be fine..I don't doubt for one second your love for your 4 handsomes, Bronson is in the hands of God, the one who put Bronson into your hands,but for right now, He is giving you a little extra help in holding him, God knows. Again, I am praying for you and wish you warmth and praying that the electric blanket you were gifted is coming in handy and keeping you toasty!

Sue said...

I cannot imagine what a lifetime ago it must seem that your mind was consumed with just regular everyday things. It will not be long before you will look back and see how God was preparing you. Perhaps you already see that. He is molding you, shaping you into the woman He knows you are capable of being.

I know you already know this, but you indeed chose so well when you married Matt. Honestly, I see him as your greatest blessing in this nightmare. Someone you can trust and rely on instead of silently suffering with guilt. He is a better man than most, a man who understands the Atonement and has an unconditional love for you. My heart twisted with a strange combination of envy and gratitude as I read of your tender, intimate experience with Matt in Bronson's room on Friday afternoon. Words and tears and prayers sealing your hearts together. Few couples will experience that level of closeness in their lifetime. Surely it is one of the tender mercies God has shown both of you. Draw on that blessing when you are feeling low. And please thank Matt personally from me, for being the kind of man that he is. Love you guys!

Brittanie said...

Tomorrow I am fasting for the first time since I conceived my son in June 2008. Your son will be on my mind. I hope so much that in future years, you will look back on this as an event that changed you, yes, but did not change HIM.

((hugs))

Liz said...

I am just another stranger with no idea what to say other than I am praying for you little boy and have been for days. You sound like you have an amazing support system but I just felt like letting you know you have one more person out there fighting with you would be encouraging.

Liz

Jenn Granum said...

It will be a long process. Shannon Taylors triplets went through so many ups and down over a three month period. Keep the faith, keep encouraging your sweet boy, keep pushing ahead.

Malea said...

This blog was emailed to me by a dear friend. I will be praying for you here in Hurricane, UT. I have four little boys as well. Your feelings seem so kindred to my own. I feel so much for your family right now...try to sleep, and breathe. God speed little Bronson's recovery.

Jackie Lee said...

Sara,

I am so sorry the days are filled with ups and downs and unknown outcomes. That is a terrifying situation in and of itself. The fact that it revolves around your precious son makes it so much worse. This is what I know: You weren't being neglectful. You were being a mom. You knew the water level BEFORE you walked away. You didn't leave it running. Your intentions were pure. Please release yourself of the guilt. God blessed YOU to be Bronson's mom and look after His child. He knew only YOU could care for him as He saw fit. And you are, just as you always have. My prayers are endless. Be Strong. Much love.

Jackie

Stacey Sargent said...

You don't know me, but I just want to let you know that my thoughts and prayers (and tears) are with you. You are strong, you can do this, bronson can do this, heavenly father can do this. I have faith!

Sarah Coyne said...

We are praying for you and Bronson too.

Thompson Family said...

You don't know who I am, but I have been touched very deeply by your story. I send prayers and a hug from Texas. May God watch over and protect your sweet baby boy.

SHANDI said...

I am so touched and can completely relate the busyness of motherhood. Thank you for waking me up. Breathe with him, touch him often, and have faith and trust in the Lords timing. Many prayers are being sent your way and angels are watching over him, constantly near him. He is not alone!

Melissa said...

I just read this story about your son, my heart is breaking for you. I am not religious, but I do pray everything will turn out as it should!

Tracy said...

I'm so sorry this happened. We are praying for you. Please take care of yourself. God Bless you and your family.
Prayers from Iowa.
In Him
Tracy

Anonymous said...

Hi my name is france cassamajor. i am a recent convert in new jersey your cousin's son elder trevor jackman, found me and played a big part in changing my life. i have been talking to his mom for a while to get to know his family. something told me to email lori the other day. which now i know was the spirit. see i have been down lately. lori told me about little bronson, so i read your whole blog post from when bronson was born. i just want to say thank you. he has really humbled me. bronson is an amazing little boy. he has made me realize the love and mercy heavenly father has for his children. i never knew i can feel love for another person like this. i honestly, do feel for you and your family. i am praying and fasting. i have a little girl also and she is in love with any thing in the bathroom. i had a close call to with her and drowning. i also left her to do something as little as get her towel. i dont blame you and dont judge. in fact i think you handled it well. you rushed to his side, and performed cpr, and then you also let your other little brave boys know that it wasn't his fault. thank you so much. and also i want to say to your husband matt how much respect i have for him when he arrived, he simply just held you and cried with u and just showed his love and support, no judging, arguing just pure unconditional love. you are lucky. i can only hope to have a husband with his strength and faith one day

Anonymous said...

Sara,
You are an amazing and strong woman with an amazing family. I don't know you but appreciate the rawness and honesty in your blog. This could have happened to any mother... we have all done it. Stay strong. God is watching over you and guiding the hands of the doctors. We are all praying for you. Miracles happen every day.
My prayers and thoughts are with you. God bless you all.
Love from Kansas MT

Haydon Phillips said...

Pull through buddy!

Ashley said...

Sara-
I don't know if you'll remember me but you took my high school senior pictures YEARS ago. My parents are Neil & Loralee Thompson--I think you are all in the same ward. Anyway, my heart goes out to you and your family and little Bronson. My parents sent me a link to your blog and I just can't stop reading it. I admire your strength & faith so much. I'm a nurse at the Huntsman Cancer hospital(right near you!) and it's families like you that teach us healthcare workers about life and what is most important. Thank you for your beautiful words. You are a STRONG woman. And you are teaching us so much. I'll be praying for you!
Ashley Thompson

Ashley said...

Sara-
I don't know if you'll remember me but you took my high school senior pictures YEARS ago. My parents are Neil & Loralee Thompson--I think you are all in the same ward. Anyway, my heart goes out to you and your family and little Bronson. My parents sent me a link to your blog and I just can't stop reading it. I admire your strength & faith so much. I'm a nurse at the Huntsman Cancer hospital(right near you!) and it's families like you that teach us healthcare workers about life and what is most important. Thank you for your beautiful words. You are a STRONG woman. And you are teaching us so much. I'll be praying for you!
Ashley Thompson

Little Piggy said...

My wife is the blogger/reader. I rarely care about anything she has me read. I read it anyway to make her happy. We have an 11 year old and an 18 month old.

Thank you for your sharing/warning.

Your painful, albeit real, lesson learned is a beacon of light for all ships passing in the night. Warning of the treacherous rocks that may cost lives due to a momentary lapse of vigilance.

Thank you for sharing. Although I'm not religious in any way, I will pray to the Lord for Bronson's recovery. In the end, I guess his soul is far more important than his body. I'm not religious, but if the Lord does exist, then Bronson will be loved and cared for.

Bronson is not my son. Yet, at this moment, I would do anything to help him as I would my own.

Bronson is loved. Bronson is prayed for.

Anonymous said...

Sara,

Like so many others, I don't know you and you don't know me. But I am so touched by your strength and testimony. I echo the words of those posted on here ... it could've happened to any mother. Stay strong. Our God is a God of miracles.

... said...

We continue praying for your family and for Bronson!

RN 4 Kids said...

not sure if you have looked at this site yet or not, but here it is http://www.hugs4ndc.com/
with love,
Michelle pediatric rn at PCMC

Anonymous said...

I don't know you or your family, but your blog has been forwarded throughout facebook. My family is praying for your baby Bronson. Your blog has touched so many people and I know we can all imagine what heart ache you're going through right now. Miracles do happen-we must have faith in our Lord. Prayers coming from Yuma, AZ.
Bazua Family

Jessie And Devin said...

My dear Sara,

My heart is full for you and my prayers for your son are fervent and sincere.
The Savior loves you and His Spirit is craddling your beautiful son as he puts forth a valiant fight for life.
Your prayers are heard by a Heavenly Father who not only knows the pain, anxiety and fear that you experience, but who knows the strength you have yet left in you.
Miss Sara, do not let guilt weigh down your beautifully tender heart. The Lord loves you more than you can imagine and concentrating on feelings of guilt will only cloud the promptings of the Spirit and the infinite love He is trying to show you.
I do not know you. But my prayers are yours and my faith is strong for you. Pray always and keep that chin up :)

Jessie Rae

P.S. Congratulations on zipping up those skinny jeans! You should nix the Super Bowl party and have a party for THAT! ;)

Anonymous said...

Matt & Sara-
I don't know you but found your blog via a friend on facebook and wanted you to know that your story has captured my heart, mind and prayers over the past couple of days. I check your blog regularily now and pray for a miracle for your precious boy. Our prayers are with you.
B'ham, Washington

Heather Forcey said...

I am praying for Bronson and your entire family.

Mcbride Family said...

I am so glad I came to see you guys today. Your spirit is so strong and you and matt amaze me. I will continue to pray and fast for you.

Erin Pick said...

You don't know us either. We were sent your blog link from your friend Sarah. You are an amazing testimony of faith. We check your blog a couple times a day for an up-date, and can't wait to hear progress reports.
Don't be too hard on yourself, we have ALL been there and done that. Hug your husband, you need each other more each day. Stay close!
Our prayers and constant thoughts are with you and your family!

Erin and Scott Pickrell

Stacy W. said...

Sending many prayers from Panama for baby Bronson!!! I have three boys ages 2-7 and know just how easily accidents can happen; I feel for you so much. I pray that you are wrapped in the arms of your Father right now. Our thoughts are with you!!!

PJ said...

I know there was 150 comments, so mine will probably get lost in the shuffle, but I just wanted you to know that I will be praying for Bronson and will put his name on my Prayer Line, as well as y'all so that not only will he receive healing, but y'all also need prayers for strength.

Love & Prayers,

PJ

Rosanne Orgill said...

wow beautifully put! we are praying for you!

erica said...

Sara,
I recently stumbled upon the blog Pics and Kicks, and noticed a post for you. So I came.

My heart breaks for you. Many prayers coming from Michigan.

Shauna Quintero said...

I was that girl. My son, Christian nearly drowned about seven months ago. I totally understand every moment you're going through right now.

If you need to talk, send me an email...gabriels_mama@yahoo.com or visit my blog - christiansjourney.org.

God Bless you and especially your little boy.

Shauna

Karen Freemantle said...

Sara,

You are an amazing example of courage and grace. I would guess you feel that you have no choice, but you really did and do and you choose to handle a horrific experience with faith and courage and integrity. Thank you for your honesty.
I hope you don't mind if I print out this post. It is such a tremendously powerful reminder and I will honor your courage by taking what you offer and trying to learn from it everyday.
You have certainly taken a huge and painful one for the team and there is not one second that passes that I don't clearly recognize that it could have been me, or any one of my friends.
We are all here...all over the country - well world for that matter. Though we don't have the priviledge of knowing you personally, we are all here loving and supporting and praying for you and your sweet family.
One of my favorite sayings is "a thousand whispers make a roar"....
Wow, can you just imagine the noise in Heaven these days!!

Karen, in CA

Miles said...

Thanks...I needed to come across you story on ksl and the link to your blog today. I needed this one post. Life can turn on a dime. So true. I'm always so busy thinking what needs to be done...and not thinking about my 5 year as MUCH as I should. Thanks for sharing your story. Tammy

Marianne said...

You don't know me, but I can't stop thinking about your family. I have a 16 month old too, and your story hit so close to home. I feel like you have saved one of my kids. You explained the morning it happened exactly like one of my mornings down to every detail. I have had a huge eye opening and am so grateful for you sharing your story. What a blessing to be part of such a wonderful miracle. I am so happy your home and all is good. I will always remember this forever. Thank you!