Thursday, February 25, 2010

Today is the day...

This evening we had the amazing opportunity to go back to the hospital.
What? Why!?!
Why BACK to the hospital, you ask?
Well, quite simply, because we needed to go.
KSL Radio invited us to come and assist in their annual fundraiser
for Primary Children's Medical Center.
So of course, we absolutely agreed.
We were thrilled at the chance to give back in any way.
If there is any way we can help that wonderful place and those amazing people,
we will absolutely do it... for the rest of ever.
They gave us our boy back.
Healed and whole.
How can you ever put a price on the life of your child?
We could pay that hospital bill a hundred times over and never come close to repaying them.
They did what we could not do for ourselves.
Some people believe that medical science and faith are at odds.
At opposite ends of the spectrum.
I believe they are two languages telling the same story.
Seeking the same eventual truth. Perhaps with varying methods.
Or differing means working towards the same end. The same goal.
I believe our loving Father in Heaven guides the hands and the hearts of those here on earth
who have the knowledge and training to assist Him.
I believe that He allows us to do as much as we can do, to the best of our abilities,
to allow us to learn and grow, and to further research and knowledge.
And then I believe He steps in with His grace, and does the rest of the work necessary
to accomplish His will, whatever that may be.
In Bronson's case, it was for him to LIVE.
And not just live, but live HERE.
And not just here, but WHOLE.
Again, we could NOT be more grateful.
Ever so grateful.
Yet this gift we've been given will not go without price, philanthropically speaking.
And we are eager and ready to pay it in whatever way we can.
Expecting much of ourselves and our family.
We will serve willingly wherever we can.
Like at the KSL Radiothon.
And so we dropped everything, made the arrangements and went.
Which turned out to be very good for me.
And for my soul, still healing.
And even good for Matt, who does NOT like the spotlight.
Little B was charming, sweet and full of smiles and spunk.
He ate up all the attention.
Was into everything.
Ran around like crazy.

Played fetch with the stuffed moose.

High-fived the tech-guys.

Explored the set.

Flirted with the team of call takers.

And won over the hearts of the KSL TV and Radio personalities.
Like Carole Mikita and Doug Wright.
What a cutie.
They all loved him.
He ate popcorn from a cup and threw it onto the floor.
Which we tried our hardest to prevent, but well, that's why parents have hands.
And why they make vacuums.
To clean up messes.

So we told our story yet again.
(Twice actually.
TV News and News Radio.)
And asked for help.
Not for us, but for the hospital.
And for other children who need it.
We asked people to open their hearts and their wallets and give to a worthy cause.
There is still plenty of time.
The Radiothon goes through tomorrow.
We aren't the type that like to ask for things.
Especially for money.
But if you feel so inclined,
and if you have a dollar or more to spare,
this would be a wonderful way to spend it.
It all goes toward a deserving child.
Every single penny.
If you can find it in your heart, click here.
or call here: 1-800-762-PCMC (7262), or locally 801-575-KIDS (5437).
Maybe we can help another family take their child home!
Post script:
In reply to some of the questions and comments left in response to this post...
I apologize if I was not clear.
Thank you for allowing me to clarify...
Matt and I chose to participate in the KSL Radiothon
because it raises money to benefit Primary Children's Hospital.
We were in no way soliciting funds for ourselves.
That facility and the medical personnel who helped to heal our son
will forever be worthy of our time and our efforts.
It is a cause we hope to adopt for the remainder of our lifetime
because it is now near and dear to us.
To be clear, Primary Chidren's Medical Center is a non-profit organization.
Their mission statement is "The child first and always."
Thus, they provide medical care for all children alike,
including needy children from around the entire Intermountain Region,
regardless of that child's ability to pay.
Physicians at the hospital actually donate their services
for patients who recieve charity assistance.
Our hope was that by sharing Bronson's story, we could garner some support for the hospital.
For them to continue to help other children.
Children who can not afford to get well on their own.
There are many annual fundraisers that benefit Primary Children's,
including TV and Radiothons and the door-to-door "Pennies by the Inch" drive.
We hope to be available to assist in many of these efforts over the years.
We will never tire.
We feel that where much is given, much is expected.
And we could not have received a greater gift...
Bronson's life was literally brought back to us.
And the experience we had there was life changing for us as well.
Not only did they give full-time and ever-diligent effort to our child,
even when it seemed unlikely for him to ever recover,
but they cared for us, his parents, while we were in shock, anguish and despair.
They helped us to prepare our other boys for what they were coping with.
Truly, they treated and helped to heal our entire family.
We have very tender feelings towards them and the amazing work they do there.
Every. Single. Day.
Anything that we can do to help them continue in their efforts there
will be a very small price to pay.
While we were at the hospital, I read a poster with a quote from Abraham Lincoln.
Good ol' Honest Abe.
He really was good.
And honest.
"To ease another's heartache is to forget one's own."
It struck me so strongly.
I knew this was the key the moment I saw it.
And we have tried to do that.
Tried to share the surplus of support we have been blessed with.
Tried to share and ease the burdens of others we have met and love.
But today...
Well, today I am making a choice.
This trip to the hospital tonight was as much about healing me
as the last one was about Bronson.
I have decided.
I am done feeling guilty.
I am done being ashamed.
I am done feeling like the poster-face for negligent mothering.
I am done beating myself up for a momentary lapse in judgement.
I am done feeling feeling crappy about all the pain I have caused.
Because I am not perfect.
Never will be perfect.
Not in this life.
But I can make a difference.
I can lift another's burden.
I can look for ways to serve. Give back. Share.
And I have found a voice.
That voice is getting stronger the more that it speaks out.
And as I speak from the keys on this little laptop,
I find my heart full and overflowing, often with words that are not mine alone.
For God has found a way to use me to strengthen others.
To strengthen you.
Perhaps this was not something I did, but something He allowed to happen.
For my own good. And for the benefit of others.
Knowing that I am stronger than I feel.
And have more to share than I knew.
But believing I had the tenacity to discover it.
Knowing Bronson's miracle would lead to others as it's ripples spread,
touching lives around the globe.
And so...
Today is a new day.
The day I learn to turn my pain over
and allow it to be washed away with the joy all around me.
I am still not sure exactly how, but only that it's right.
And that it's time.


Amy and Darin and family said...

We do not know each other but you have touched my heart and soul in so many ways. We had tragic accident with our then 2 year old several years ago that resulted in the loss of 2 of his fingers, but could have been the loss of his life, and possibly others. We have suffered so much pain and guilt. At some point, I had to "give it to God", because I could handle it no more. You have come through your ordeal with so much grace. I so appreciate your brutal honesty,and your beautiful wisdom and clarity. Thank you for sharing your story! It has truly changed me!


"Knowing that I am stronger than I feel." I was weepy throughout your posting tonight, but that part made me cry. Not exactly sure what to write... only that every good mother out there understands your pain, your regret, and your desire to move on. The Lord will bring you through this - He already has in so many ways. :)

Deborah said...


Again, I am someone who is a stranger and who has never posted before. My mother-in-law knows your Dad and my sister's mother-in-law used to be in your ward. I believe I have a cousin who is also friends with you... so a few connections, yet we have never met. I have been following your story since you began posting. It truly has blessed my life and my family. I have two little boys and love them dearly, but had forgotten what was most important. We now take more time to be together and enjoy the simple things in life.

I look forward to each of your posts and am so grateful you have shared your personal feelings... to help all of us, strangers, come together and realize we are not alone. Motherhood is not easy, but it truly has the greatest blessings. I hug my boys a little tighter each day/night and cherish the sweet moments instead of rush to "my" next seemingly important task. Our family has been blessed by you and sweet Baby Bronson.

btw, Bronson reminds me of my little boy. It's something in their eyes. They are less than 1 month apart and as I watched the video of him walking out of the hospital, tears filled my eyes (as has happened many other times) as I pictured my own son walking out.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!


Anonymous said...

Sara and/or fellow commentator's,

Just a quick question followed by a comment...

QUESTION: I am sure you are swamped and don't ever have any time to read or respond to these blog comments, but I notice as I have read other people's comments, I noticed a few said, "erased by author". Are there requirements for these kinds of things? If there are I would love to know, so that I don't make a mistake and/ or offend anyone. Sine your blog, I started following other blogs (of most people I know, don't worry I'm not a stalker LOL!)

COMMENT: What a BEAUTIFUL BRONSON! I was actually just introduced to your blog to just today, and couldn't stop reading. What a miraculous story! I am so happy for you lil guy as well as your family!


Ashley Abbott said...

I saw you on TV! You and your family looked beautiful!! Bronson is just the cutest thing!

sisterlu said...

Here's another stranger, commenting from across the country (in South Carolina). I am so thankful that you have found that peace that passes understanding. I will continue to pray for your voice, as you use it to glorify God! He has a purpose for your life, just like he has a purpose for the life of your sweet boys and husband. I am rejoicing in your new day.

Clark Mills Family said...

"When we give thanks in all things, we see hardships and adversities in the context of the purpose of life... We are meant to learn and grow through opposition, through meeting our challenges, and through teaching others to do the same... the Lord will not only consecrate our afflictions for our gain, but He will use them to bless the lives of countless others."
--Dallin H. Oaks, "Give Thanks in All Things," Ensign, May 2003, 95 AMEN TO YOUR POST! YOU ARE SPECIAL DAUGHTER OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER WITH A PURPOSE, Prayers continue to you and your family. What an AMAZING example of applying the atonement in your life. You ARE a blessing to countless others. XO

Laura said...

Sara, I was directed to your blog from Natalie Norton's blog, and have been a close follower since. I prayed my heart out and felt like the weight of the world was lifted when I read the words that Bronson was able to go home, as vibrant and anyone could have hoped. God is SO good.

I am really happy to read that you have let yourself be free of the burden of your own guilt, of your own self-anger. As we can all see, you are an absolutely wonderful mother, and the string of events that happened are something that could have but mostly haven't happened to many, many other families. By your words and your strength to testify about your story, you WILL save others from having to go through this. That is the best gift you could give someone else.

Thank you for your honest and strong words. You, no matter what you might think sometimes, are a true inspiration. As is your little Bronson and the rest of your family.


Matt and Brianna said...

Thank you! You inspire SO many!! Keep your head up. I KNOW the Lord has great things in store for you and your sweet little family! I love reading your posts. They remind me everyday we are ALL human and life is so fragile. I have so much love and adoration for you and your family. You are TRULY stronger than you know!!

Again, thanks for sharing your most intimate thoughts and feelings with us, strangers.

Monica said...

My sister posted about your blog on hers. I couldn't stop reading. I cried with you. My 6 year old son came in at one point and told me to stop reading whatever I was reading because he dind't want me to be sad. I explained to him that I was not sad, just overwhelmed and amazed by the miracles the Lord has shown you and your beautiful family. I have 4 boys as well and so your experiences hit very close to home. You are a beautiful person and a wonderful writer. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world!

Tasha said...

I never know really what to say. But, I guess just Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for your faith. Thank you for your example. I always feel strengthed after reading your posts. Thank you.

si tu veux said...

inside and are beautiful. Thank you for leading the way for many mothers to stop the guilt and shame for the mistakes we all make. You have prevented many many heartaches by bearing your own. Best wishes to you...yours, and always!

Emmy said...

Good for you. And you are right; it has been through the hardest moments in my life, the ones where I have thought, why is this happening what did I do to deserve this, that the most good and growth has come into my life; the moments that truly changed me and made me realize how completely and totally I need my Heavenly Father and want to do what I can to serve Him.

Shannon said...

beautifully written sara, it is straight from your heart. I love it!
I am so proud of you, what a beautiful quote to have seen today.

We are HUGE supporters of PCMC too, and i'm sure you know about the "festival of trees" around december. We did that the first two years then it got super busy for us. Also another huge event we are apart of is the "chocolate extravaganza" for the NICU at Utah Valley where we spent our remaining 8 weeks.
I love all the nurses and seriously some of them are still our very close friends. They truly are amazing. Thanks for being such a huge supporter for wonderful people.

Love you and can't wait to hug that little guy & you!!

The Benches said...

I love you, I love your family, and I love your words. You strengthen me and make me want to be better.

Thank you.

The Bender Family said...

I am so thankful for your testimony! You have helped so many people. Good for you that you can let it go. You are a great mother and we have all learned. Thank you.

Scott & Tami said...

You are amazing Sarah....keep shining!!!

Wendi Solari said...

I am so glad you made the decision to stop beating yourself up. The way you stated it was perfect, you are not perfect and neither are the bazillions of us that have had a momentary lapse in judgement. Besides, finding a purpose and getting things done in the name of your son (and your experience) is a MUCH better use of your energy than guilt. I am SO truly happy for you guys and we have never even met. I started reading your blog from your first post about the accident. I've been pulling for you guys all along and that will never change!
Good wishes from So Cal!!

The Linfords said...

Thanks for sharing your testimony. You are so strong and such an example to me Sara. I'm glad to see everything is going well and happy :)

kimbob said...

What a difference a few days makes! Thank you for sharing your story, trials, struggles and honesty! You are so blessed and so intune to the Spirit, HE is watching over you, comforting you and blessing you and your family in so many ways.
Thank you!
Kim (Gordon) Adams

Ange said...

Thank you for your courage, wisdom, and testimony. I have been able to take your words and apply them to my own life. A lot of the things you say, feelings you express, and testimony you bare have been exactly what I have needed to hear and they have given me the upliftment I've been searching for. I know we will probably never meet, but you have impacted my life for the better. I am striving every second to follow in your example of becoming more like our Father in Heaven who atoned for me and you. I continue to pray for you and your family. Thank you again for being my beacon of light during my own personal storm.

Kelly said...

Praise GOD for the people of the hospital, Praise GOD for your precious baby and family, Praise GOD for the healing power of prayer, and Praise GOD for releasing you from all of that guilt and shame He knows and YOU know is not yours. You are so amazing and I love how your story has touched so many. Thank you for your powerful spirit!

Kansas City

Laurie said...

Sara, I look forward to your perspective on life and all that is is offering us every day. I admire your tenacity and strength and find myself learning about myself through your posts and honesty. Thank you for sharing and know that I was deeply touched by your son's miracle and can only assume he is most special given his second chance at life. Laurie in Seattle

Anonymous said...

You are amazing. Your insight is priceless. I have learned from you. And may I say, you are a GREAT mother. Much love from California!

Brooke Hill said...

You dont know me and probably never will but you made me gratful this morning. For the life I have and the ability I have to do things. You gave me a stronger desire to forget about myself and focus on the needs of those around me that I love and care about. To be a better person and hope for the best everyday. You made my desire to be a mother grow stronger. I am recently married and my husband cant wait to be a dad, but I am hesitant. I wonder if I will be able to handle it. If I can be a good mother to my children. If I will be able to do it right. People say you just have to take it one day at a time and it will all work out. You showed that in your story. It has touched me, made me cry at my desk at work and feel a bit of your pain, but I know that I may never know how you have truely felt this month. But I do hope that when one day, I do have the chance to be a mother I will be able to be a bit like you, who has so much love for her children and wants nothing more than to make them happy. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. Your family is beautiful, bless them all!

Lisa said...

Sara, Matt and baby Bronson,

Yet another comment from somoene you don't know, but I feel like i know you and oh how I would love to give your little B a huge hug!!
I have followed your blog since your first post about Bronson's accident and cried through every one. I have two children, one little boy who is three months older than Bronson and they remind me of each other, especially with their little faux hawks!! :)

Thank you so much for sharing your life and story. It truly has made me go about my daily routines with a different outlook.

I wish I would have known you were at Primary's yesterday. I too was there with my little guy and would have loved to meet you!!

(my blog is private)

Analisa-creator of hairblingzcutethings said...

I'm also a stranger but just wanted to say I enjoyed reading this post. My heart ached for your family but also for you from one mother to another. It's hard to forgive ourselves, especially when it involves our children. I was glad to see this post as you deserve to not feel guilty. All the things you wrote are true and were so well written. You have inspired and taught many and will continue to I'm sure. Take care and know that no one blames you. Ok, now I feel like I'm rambling so I'll end this :). I wish you and your family all the best!

Nicole said...

Awesome. It really should be time. Here's the thing you should remember.....we could ALL be the poster-face for negligent mothering. 99.9% of the time we talk on our cell phones driving, let a child chase a ball into the street, leave a baby on a bed....nothing happens. You happened to have something happen. It was tragic. But don't punish yourself.

You're a beautiful mother with a beautiful family and a beautiful miracle. Accept that. It's awesome. It really is.

Mrs. Pemberly said...

When my sister told me about Bronson's accident, shortly after it happened, and his life was still hanging in the balance, I told her not to tell me anymore unless it ended well. You see, I'm pregnant with my fourth and have heard so many tragic stories of babies/toddlers dying lately that frankly I just couldn't handle another one.

Well, I was so shocked and thrilled when she told me that Bronson was recovering that I had to go back to the beginning and read the whole story.

Trust me, I bawled. Especially through the video your husband made.

I've never commented before, but this post struck a chord in me. I was so sad for you when I read the post of 2/23. How you must have struggled is beyond comprehension. I cried again when I read this post, but for joy. What a beautiful discovery you have made. As another commenter said, I love that you found how to apply the Atonement so completely in your life. After all, isn't that what it's for? To make us whole again?

Here's to your new day - the new you.

PS - you are an incredible writer.

House of Payne said...

oh Sara! I'm so happy to read this latest post. Your last post broke my heart. I was just telling jason this morning how bad i felt that you were allowing your mind and heart to see so many "what if's..." i just felt your heartache. I'm so thankful for this new light that you see. I'm thankful you recognize many gifts you've been given. The most obvious is that of the life of Bronson, but sara, you've been given the gift of words. You tell things in a manner that make people want to listen...intently. We want to read, we want to learn, we want to change. You mention how the Lord has used so many other people to bring blessing to you and your family, but oh how I hope you see the blessings you are bringing to the life's and families of others. with all our hearts the payne family loves you guys!! thank you sara for your strength, your courage, your humility, your grace, your faith. thank you for seeing Matt as the man he is and sharing that with us. He is such a quiet, humble, spiritual giant!! we love you guys!

Sarie said...

I love you Sara. I was hoping at some point you could forgive yourself. Because you're so wonderful, and the love you have for your children pushes away any negativity that might creep in.

No one in our household has ever blamed you for anything. Only love coming from us to you.


Anonymous said...

So I am confused. You are asking us to donate to this radiothon, but also are asking us to donate to an event that benefits "bronson and the children at primary's children." How are you using the money raised from the 5K? I just don't like giving blindly. Please share these details. Others have asked as well and I am yet to see a specific answer.

Anonymous said...

I would love to donate to Primary but not to your family. We have heard and everyone should know that you make a very nice living and live in a very expensive house. There are so many needy people out there that really do need help...Please don't take from them!

Laura said...

I think even people that live in a nice home can accumulate huge medical bills that could strap even the most prudent families. I can't believe anonymous could be so rude. I applaud you in all of your efforts. Your story has inpired so many. Thank you. Please go forward with your fundraiser. I hope you get the support that you need. Plus, everyone likes a 5K.

melanie said...

I love, love, LOVE your blog, it is so inspiring! Your newfound perspective is absolutely true, your story has touched hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people. I hate that your family had to endure the suffering, but I am grateful for your thoughts and messages, and the miracle that our family prayed for again and again and again while little B. was in the hospital. Heaven bless your family forever and ever. Be happy!!! Its one of the biggest reasons Heavenly Father gave you back your sweet boy, itd be a shame to put that to waste!!
We love your family,
Melanie Segalla (and co.)

Matt and Brianna said...

Don't listen to "anonymous" Anyone who really read what you were asking for people to do, KNOW you weren't asking for YOURSELVES! But for the hospital!! I can't believe ANYONE would dare say such things to you!!! Please disregard that comment! There are SOOO many people you have inspired and continue to inspire! The Lord is on YOUR side!!!

Brianna Allen
Mesa, AZ

Anonymous said...

I believe that the event stated the money would benefit Primary and the family! The family can sell there home if the medical bills are to much. Besides the fact that they do have health insurance, I know this first hand. Even if they did not Primary would write off most if not all if they were in great financial need. Again don't take what others really need

spike the surf dog said...

You don't know me, but you do know my husband. He is Dr. Boyles, one of the doctors that took care of your beautiful son on that awful day at Utah Valley Hospital. He came home and told me the story of your son. It is never easy when things like this happen for him, with children it's 1000 times worse! My heart hurt for you and your family as he relayed what he knew at that point. One of the hard parts about being an Emergency Room Physician is that when their patients leave, most of the time they never here the outcome. I guess that is why I am writing to you. I would like to thank you for sharing your story. He called Primary Children's the next day and the day after and was told things really hadn't changed and was not given much hope. We both assumed that he was not going to make it. I cannot tell you the happiness we both felt finding out that he was not just doing better, but home and doing fantastic. He rarely hears these stories. He's the man that gets to give the bad news. It hurts every single time. So thank you so much. It's also a little strange for me to be writing to you about this, because we to have a similar story with both of the same hospitals with sons. Luckily we, like you, had a great outcome and feel very much the same about Primary Children's. Our story was about 24 years ago and reading your story and thinking of ours, well it almost feels like it was yesterday. I remember sitting in the NICU up there after they finally fixed what was wrong with our son, and the prognosis was good, but we looked around the room and thinking, oh my gosh, so many of these beautiful children will never leave this room and go home. We get to take our baby home. We moved 10 days after he was born to San Diego where my husband graduated from Medical School. Your story reminded him of why we went through everything so that he could be a doctor. Thank you again and our hearts are with you, and so very happy for you.

Sherri Boyles is my son's email. He signed on to show me your blog)

Anonymous said...

oh please anonymous, i think you have a serious case of class envy. who cares what type of house they live in. they are supporting a fund raiser for primary childrens hospital. it is quite simple to donate if you actually want to.. 1-800-762-PCMC (7262), or locally 801-575-KIDS (5437)...or are you just trying to stir up unwanted trouble.

Lisa said... actually says "Not for us, but for the hospital.
And for other children who need it." you really should pay attention to what your reading!
Sara, you are awesome and so is your family!! So happy for all of you! You are an inspiration to everyone! Some people just choose to be ignorant!

Heavenly Father is real and does perform miracles!!

Kelly said...

Sara, can you please BLOCK ''Anonymous"?! Wow...they must be one of those "share the wealth" types. Makes me sick. Where on earth did that chip on their shoulder come from? I'm going to be praying for you, Anon.

Love to you and the family, Sara, from a complete stranger... :)

Oh, Sweet!... said...

Matt's dad was our bishop and now my husband is. We have prayed for your son from the beginning and are SO grateful for this miracle! Last night I read the post before this one and had to hold the sobs from spilling out. I realized that I needed to pray for you specifically now. Again prayers were answered as I read this post! I am so grateful for the new strength and healing you have found! I knew you would, you are amazing! Thank you for sharing so many private details with all of us. I have been so amazed as I've read your posts and followed this miracle. I was at Peggy's house as she finished the surprise cinnamon rolls for your thanksgiving feast. What a celebration I'm sure that was as you came together as a 'whole' family. I pray that you will continue to feel that peace you have found. I look forward to the 5K and fun activities the end of March. What a fabulous idea. You are so blessed with so many around you with such pure hearts! They are Heavenly Father's tools taking care of you and your sweet family. Loves to you!

Mom of twins ♥ said...

It is so great to see little Bronson running around and full of life! You guys are a amazing family.

Suzanne said...

"spike the surf dog" you need to remind your husband of the HIPAA regulations. Not cool.

Walt and Kristy said...

I just wanted to let you know that i read your blog and named my son after liking your son's name. He was born yesterday. See pics here Glad your Bronson is doing so well!

Liz said...

I've been following your blog since your little on went into the hospital. It broke my heart because I knew that could be me. We all have careless moments. Please don't listen to others judgemental comments. I know the rest of us have been lucky so far. I'm so glad that it has been a happy ending for you.

Ducksoup said...

what an amazing testimony you have of the gospel. i have loved reading your story and of your miracle. truly, miracles have not ceased in our day. you have shown the world a miracle.

i was so happy to read this post and hear you are making a choice to let happiness fill your heart. you are truly an amazing person, mother, wife, and the kind of friend one can only dream to have. i am amazed at your strength and also at the strength of your husband.

when i read the post of your husband forgiving you instantaneosly i couldn't help but want to have that kind of forgivness in my life.

thank you for sharing your story. your testimony is amazing.

Anonymous said...

He's such a sweet little miracle!

(also, be careful with popcorn. It's a choking hazard for little ones.)

Emily Lyman said...

I'm not really sure where to start. I have NEVER been good at expressing how I feel. I stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago, not knowing what I was going to find(someone else's blog was asking for prayers for Bronson) As I read your story, it stirred up emotions in me I wasn't aware existed. I was hysterical as I read your 1st post. I could feel your pain and your anguish. When I was 5, my little brother drowned in our backyard. My parents bought an above ground pool, with a special ladder that would fold up so the kids couldn't get in. We had that pool 3 weeks! My mom forgot to put the ladder up. A mistake that she still can't talk about, or forgive herself for 30 years later. I remember every detail of that day. The details in your post were so close, too close to my memories of that day. I could not function for days. I would just sit there and cry.I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that would not go away. I finally asked my husband for a blessing. The first thing he said to me was that I was meant to come across your blog. That I needed this to aid in my healing. As I said before, I have never been able to express myself. But as I read your blog, it feels like you are writing how I have been feeling. Through your words, I am finally getting my feelings out. ( I don't know if that makes any sense)You are helping me to work through my pain. Pain that has been buried for way too long.I'm on my way to healing my broken heart because of you. Thankyou for being strong enough to share your story. You have helped so many people. Your story has strengthened my testimony. You have such a beautiful family! I am so happy that your family has had a happy ending. I was so happy to read this post(your last one broke my heart) I wish my mom could do the same. You are an amazing mother, that Heavenly Father used as an instrument, to help so many others. Thankyou Sara!
With love, Emily

Laney said...

I was so impressed with your story. It started for me the night of the KSL radio-a-thon. You see I was the caller that Bronson keep flirting with. I had no idea that this had happened to your family. I was truly impressed with his energy and love of life. I even made a donation of my own. This blog is truly beautiful and inspiring. I am so happy for you and your family. Thanks so much for sharing.
God Bless,
Laney Benedict

Ginny said...

I don't think I really have anything to add to the many "stranger" comments that have said so much of what I think and feel, and yet I feel compelled to comment anyway.

I just wanted to thank you, as a mother who sees so much of herself in your "outed" self for your willingness to share and the inspired beauty and impact and power with which you do it. You have been given a gift, not only of Bronson's miracle, but of your own, and your impeccable ability and far-reaching opportunity to profoundly teach by the spirit through the written word. Your words are truly miraculous and I applaud you and thank you for being willing to share. For multiplying your talents. For paying it forward in ways you will never know in this life.

I love your perspective and pray that you will find the peace you deserve. I am so grateful for your testimony, your willingness to share it, and for the profound, eternal insights you bring to life.

May God continue to bless you as you progress through this journey and as you bless those fortunate enough to have been exposed to your story. Thank you.

Michelle (Cincinnati Ohio North Stake) said...

I saw you on the Today Show this morning, as I watched the story about your son, I wondered, "Are they members of the Church?" I heard your family singing to Bronson one of the Primary songs, which didn't confirm my wondering, but then as you shared your testimony of Heavenly Father and prayer, I was almost positive. I had to find out. I don't know why. I felt the spirit as you spoke, and I was so happy to hear a testimony shared on the Today Show. Maybe this was meant to be. A way to share what you and I know to be true. I joined the Church when I was 18, I am 40 today, married with four children and serving in our stake yw presidency. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the best thing in my life and my familiy's life. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, and I am so happy for you and your miracle. said...

Sara, Thank you for being so honest. There have been so many times that I've left my child unattended so that I could muli-task. I just never expect something to happen so life altering. (as I'm sure you felt too.) But through your story, every day I am striving to be more present for my family, instead of giving just my "left-overs" (I loved how you put it. You are a good woman and mother, just reading your blog I can see that. Your family is lucky to have you, as you are lucky to have them. I have experience much death in my family the past few years and hearing your miraculous story is proof that there is a loving Heavenly Father. He blesses us everyday. Thank you for being so willing to share your story with the world. I hope that one day the pain of this experience will be but a small memory.

Dawn said...

Sarah, you don't know me, but I know you. Well, I don't really KNOW you like we have met, but about 13 years ago, I was living a similar life with four little adorable boys. And I read your blog and chuckled and cried and am touched. I share your faith. I can completely imagine what you went through because we had emergencies on occasion of a lesser sort. And I know if I amplify all the feelings I went through, they might approach what your family has experienced. Either way, we all have that Light of Christ that connects our experiences. The gift of empathy. Knowledge that one little thing different changes outcomes completely. Anyway, 13 years later, I ended up with five boys and two girls. Two of those boys are now serving missions. Just wait till your darling boys are missionaries! Toddlers are great. Stripling missionary sons, you just can't put words to it. I have a gift for you that will ease your burden. I know you are not looking for sympathy. But there is something that can give you relief. And it may be instant. It helped me get rid of years and years of emotional baggage from my mother's suicide. It's simple, drugless, painless, easy, and can be self applied. I can teach you in 15 minutes and it will bless your life for a lifetime. A tool to help you not only with your aches, but your precious boys boo boos. Disappointments, nightmares, guilt, fears, traumas. It has enhanced my faith in ways I could not imagine, because it helps remove the negative blocks so that you can be the shining light God wants you to be. I know I'm a stranger, but if you want to know about it, please email me I'll be happy to tell you more. No strings attached.

Kunz fam said...

You don't know me, but I followed your story and was so grateful to see Heavenly Father's hand in your life. I don't know if you check this blog any more, but I was hoping maybe you could do something for me. I have some friends who are currently in Primary Children's with their one year old girl who drowned in a canal on Friday night. They are waiting to see how much her brain is going to swell. If you have any advice or words of encouragement for them I am sure they would greatly appreciate it. They are doing updates at