Monday, February 1, 2010

It is painfully ironic that the last blog post I made was the day after Bronson's birth,
to joyfully announce his safe arrival into this life...
And the next one I allow myself to make, is the day after his near-death,
to update you on how he was almost taken from us...
I have mixed feelings about starting to blog again right at this critical time in our family,
but as we have discussed it, we feel it is the best forum for several of our goals.
First and foremost, to accurately record the important details of this blurry whirlwind,
as well as the tender mercies that are being extended from both Heaven and earth,
right as they unfold, so that we have a place to look back and see them
when we need to remember them, and also to share them with those we love.
We also feel a need to update those who love Bronson, and our family,
with his latest news and progress, in a quick, easy and accessible way.
We've been texting, but it has become slow, sporadic, laborious and overwhelming
to try to get the word out to so many who want/need to be updated.
Try as we might, we were missing people
and it was confusing with so many messages
being forwarded from different sources and at different times.
Thank you to everyone who tried to help. You did great and we appreciated your help.
But ultimately, with cell phone coverage restricted in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit
and inner parts and hallway of the hospital,
we found it too lengthy and time consuming and inefficient.
We still have our cell phones and answer them when we can,
but will reserve our outgoing messages for individual requests for help, as needed.
So here we are... I am blogging again...
I can not promise that this will be regularly updated.
Although we do feel it is important,
we are sure you will understand that it is obviously not our current focus.
This is our focus.
This blog will not be perfect. It will be messy.
It will not be brief.
(I do not apologize, but brevity is NOT a talent I possess... instead, I am thorough.)
It may be painful.
It may be graphic. It may be awful.
But it will be honest... it will be from my heart.
It will be the truth.
So from this point on,
Here is where you will find the updated progress reports, straight from us.
As they happen, and as we can post them.
So this is what I can tell all of you...
We had a terrible and tragic accident at our home on Saturday morning.
It was a typical Saturday... We had just had breakfast as a family.
Matt had gone on an unplanned mountain bike ride, alone,
but was waiting for a buddy to call and possibly join him.
Kaden was playing video games on the Wii in our family room.
Trevan, was watching cartoons.
As usual, the babies were a mess... covered in breakfast.
I'd just come home from the gym. I needed a shower.
I usually take them in with me. It is easier, faster and less of a mess to shower them.
(I think they had their first actual bath together just a couple weeks ago.
They loved it! I actually video-taped them because it was such a novelty!
They splashed and laughed and played for hours!
I thought I needed to take the time to let them do that more often...)
I started to get undressed to get in the shower, right next to the tub.
I took pajamas and diapers off my little boys and ushered them into the shower.
As we passed it, Daynen begged to get in the "Hot Tub" (our big, jetted Master Bathtub).
For once, we weren't in a hurry to go anywhere.
I started their water.
I put them in the tub with their fish toys and their boats.
I set out their towels. I played with them a few minutes while the tub filled.
I ran their water a few inches deep. I turned off the faucet.
I poked my head around the corner into our bedroom to check on Trevan.
(He'd been sick on Friday and had thrown up 23 times. I think he lost 5 pounds.)
He was lying on top of the covers because Matt had made the bed.
He looked skinny and cold and was shivering in his underwear.
I asked him if he wanted a blanket, he said no.
I told him he looked cold and suggested he go get his pajamas on.
He said he was too tired to go get them.
And... so I left...
Which turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life.
Please do not try to sugar-coat things for me.
I am responsible. I am the Mommy.
I should have been more attentive.
I should never have walked away from that tub.
I hope to forgive myself one day... Right now that feels impossible.
But I walked down the hallway to Trevan and Daynen's room to get Trevan his pajamas.
I should have come straight back...
But I noticed Daynen's bed was still unmade.
And I saw the Laundry basket full of clean clothes
that Matt had carefully set on the end of the bed that morning,
ready to be put away when Trevan did his chores.
So I thought I'd be nice and do it for him.
I took the shirts Matt had hooked over the side and hung them on the rod in Trevan's closet.
I took the folded stack of jeans and placed them on the shelf.
I straightened the row of shoes on the floor.
While I was in the closet, I got out a diaper and onesie
so I could get Daynen dressed when I got him out of the tub.
I closed the closet door...
Basket in hand, I stepped over to the dresser to put away the socks and underwear.
I heard a muffled shout from Trevan.
I set the basket down, alarmed.
Then Trevan came running,
"Mom! Mom! Bronson drowned in the tub! I think he's dead!"
I ran.
It was very far to the bathtub.
He was floating on his back. White. Lips blue. Eyes rolled back. Gone.
Daynen had his arms under his shoulders and thighs, trying to lift him.
Our eyes met.
He looked tiny and helpless trying to keep his brother afloat.
Trying to heave him out.
"Mommy! I so saw-wee! I twy to get him out!"
There was too much water.
It was up past the jets. Running at full speed.
One of them had turned it back on.
I lunged.
I pulled him out. Wet. Cold. Dripping.
I laid him on the floor on our bathmat, next to the shower we should have taken instead.
He had no pulse.
He would not respond.
I screamed for Kaden to call 911.
He was already there. Phone in hand. Dialing.
I began CPR.
I should have gone to Relief Society.
We just had a CPR course... I stayed home that night.
I forgot to pinch his nose.
I blew air into my baby's lungs. They filled and rose.
He sputtered. Water leaked from his eyes, nose and the sides of his mouth.
I blew again, pleading with him.
He had no pulse.
I pressed down on his chest with both hands shaking, counting.
I blew into his mouth and nose again. Air filled him. He sputtered.
I blew again, hard. He began to vomit.
It was everywhere, on both of us. I turned his head to to the side. I cleared his airway.
Again, I blew. Again, I pressed.
Again, his breakfast ran onto the carpet at the side of his head.
Any second... Any second.
Any second his eyes would flutter and he would take a breath.
Any second he would would sit up.
Any second I would wrap my arms around him and thank God for the close call.
Any second he would be back with us.
Any second... but he did not wake up.
The Emergency Dispatcher said they were almost there.
I shouted for Kaden to go unlock the front door and wait. To show them where to find us.
He was so brave. So responsible.
He waited with the door wide open, watching in the cold
the long, loooong minutes until they arrived.
The Police Officer pulled my shoulder up and back from where I hovered over him, blowing.

I begged him to save my baby.
The Fireman grabbed under the armpits and lifted him from the floor mat
running out the door with my heart in hands.
I scooped Daynen up into my arms, cold, wet and dripping
from where he'd stood shivering and watching me try to bring his best friend back to him.
I told him it was not his fault.
I ran back down the hall to get him dressed.
The Police Officer followed.
So many questions...
How long had I been gone? How long had he been under?
How deep was the water when I came in?
Was it hot or cold?
Had he slipped? Had he been pushed?
Did he hit his head?
I didn't know... I still don't know...
I will never know.
We will never know.
I told my boys to be fast. To get ready to go to the hospital. To get in the car.
I got Daynen diapered and dressed.
This was not happening.
Where was Matt?
Please call Matt. Someone call Matt.
But Matt won't answer. His ipod will be in. He won't hear his phone.
He was going for a long training ride. He could be hours.
He'd just left.
I would do this alone.
Could I do this alone?
Downstairs, the Officer told me I could not drive.
Told me my children should stay home. Told me to call a neighbor.
SO many choices, which one to choose...
Angi appeared out of nowhere.
She was in my kitchen, an angel in a t-shirt,
"What can I do?"
"Stay here with my babies."
She hugged me, I knew she'd been prompted to come.
But where was Trevan?
He was missing. Why would he run off? Where would he have gone?
Was he okay? He must be terrified...
I remembered I told him we needed to get to the hospital as fast as possible.
I felt that I should look in the car.
I opened the door to the garage and could see his silhouette,
swaying slightly in his middle seat of the car.
There he was, sick as can be, dressed with his shoes tied, all by himself...
buckled into his seat in the car.
Ready to go. So obedient. So resourceful. Bless his heart.
Another beloved, respected neighbor stood in my entry.
"Oh Steve," I said as he pulled me to him in a supportive embrace.
"I know... I know..." he said.
And as I looked into his eyes, he did.
No judgement.
Bless him for understanding.
Someone handed me my purse.
I walked out the door with the Officer.
The strikingly beautiful wife of our bishop, Annette, stood eagerly on the sidewalk.
I told her Bronson had drowned.
There were few words, but her compassionate eyes
told me she would help to see that everything was taken care of.
I glanced up.
Concerned neighbors were everywhere.
The guilt of what I had done washed over me like a wave.
I had left Bronson alone. He was gone. He may never come home.
My poor boys. I had abandoned their brother.
I had created this mess for them to deal with.
I had taken Bronson away from everyone who loves him.
The Officer escorted me to his car.
The front seat was cluttered with and boxes and papers.
He opened the door and put me in the back where the criminals sit.
Fitting, I thought. I did this.
Not on purpose, of course, but out of negligence.
I bowed my head in shame, not meeting the eyes of the sweet neighbors we drove past.
I wept the empty cry of the helpless.
I prayed to God to spare my son.
I prayed he would be okay.
I promised I would never let myself become distracted by something so unimportant.
Something that can wait.
We hit every light red on the mile and a half drive down the hill to the hospital.
We drove with no siren at traffic speed.
I wanted to get out and run but my door would not open from te inside.
We pulled into the Ambulance loop at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center.
I could not get out of the car! I was trapped!
I felt claustrophobic.
I waited the eternity that it took for the Officer to walk around to my side and unlock the door.
I ran, purse dangling over my shoulder, through the doors of the Emergency Room.
More questions...
Where was my baby? Was he alive? Why could I not see him?
I was ushered into a small empty room and asked to wait for these answers.
Alone, I panicked.
I knelt to pray. It was all I could think to do.
I offered my heart and soul to my Father in exchange for a miracle.
The door opened. It was Angi. She came so that I would not be alone.
We embraced the familiar hug of two women who have been through too much together.
I thanked her for being thoughtful, beyond words.
The door opened again and my sweet, beautiful Matt came bursting through,
Wrapping me in his strong arms of comfort.
How had he known?
I thought Kaden had been unable to reach him.
He had been on his way up the canyon, but was waiting for a neighbor buddy to call,
so he'd left his ear phones out and was watching his phone.
I was amazed by this small, tiny miracle.
He answered Kaden's call just as he was passing Timpview High School.
His world came crashing down.
He will always dread passing that spot on the road where he got that call.
He pedaled his bike across snow-crusted fields and down busy roads to get to the hospital,
unsure what he'd find when he arrived.
"I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry."
Over and over I apologized.
I don't remember what I said or he said in that frantic moment.
But I do remember the sweet feeling of relief
as I received forgiveness he would not even admit he was extending.
"How could I be mad? Why would I ever be angry?",
spoken in love and genuine sincerity.
They were the sweetest words I would never even have dared to hope to hear.
Lifting a perceptible weight.
We knelt and prayed. Matt poured out his heart on behalf of our son.
A Nurse came in and ushered us to the room where they were working on Bronson.
Our sweet, tiny boy.
He looked so small amid a dozen doctors and nurses hustling about him
amid too many tubes and too many wires.
There are still too many tubes and too many wires.
Our Bishop arrived fast.
He and Matt places their hands upon his little head and offered a Priesthood Blessing.
We all wept.
Matt commanded Bronson to be made whole
and called down the powers of heaven to preserve his life.
He asked Father in Heaven to allow him to fulfill the blessings he had been promised
when he was named and blessed as an infant.
Peace and gratitude for this amazing man washed over me
as I heard his voice speaking confidently
and with faith I myself had not yet received.
We thanked the efficient paramedics
as they described how they had broken protocol
and ran right over the hoses they should have re-reeled back into the truck
in order to shave a few extra seconds off their response time.
They were fast.
We hoped it would be fast enough.
A neighbor friend, Chad, an ER Doc,
stopped by to offer words of comfort and give information we had not received.
We felt confident he was in the best hands.
Matt's dear friend Mark walked in.
Arms full of clothes for Matt to change into.
Real shoes to wear, instead of his clipped-bottom biking shoes.
So thoughtful...
We helped to push the gurney out the double doors
and across the parking lot to where the helicopter awaited.
We begged Rose, the Life Flight attendant, to take extra special care.
We stood, arm in arm, and watched as they flew away with with our life hanging in the balance.
Matt's parents, Peggy and Larry, arrived, devastated.
They pulled their car around, ready to chauffer us to Salt Lake City.
A stranger approached in an aloha print shirt.
A detective.
He just needed a few minutes of our time.
Yes, now.
Where were our other children?
Home with a neighbor, I said.
Could the neighbor bring them down to the station?
No. They need to be at home. They've all had a traumatic day.
But he needed to have them interviewed right away.
"We are on our way to the hospital," I explained.
He was insistent.
It was critical that he be able to speak with Daynen and Trevan
in order to determine if there had been any criminal activity.
They are 2 and 6, I said.
It must be right away before anyone else can interfere with their testimony
by planting responses or swaying them with suggestions.
I fumed silently.
I shivered with cold... or anger. I'm not sure.
I was cold. And wet. In shock.
Was he actually taking my time with this right NOW?
The audacity was disgusting.
I bit my tongue and politely told him I'd be happy to comply at a later date.
Monday?, he suggested, as if that was actually a realistic consideration.
I told him I hoped I was not at a funeral on Monday.
I gave him my cell phone number.
Mark tucked us into the car with Matt's parents and closed the door,
clenching his jaw to keep from punching the detective in the face.
I smiled at our good and loyal friend.
Larry followed the GPS printout and navigated to Primary Children's Hospital.
(Which is entirely too far from a major access road, if you ask me.)
We wandered through endless halls trying to follow the path of red signs to lead us,
but could barely find them through our tears.
He'd been stabilized by the time we arrived.
His heart was beating on it's own but he was still not breathing without assistance.
He was already on his ventilator and seemed almost peaceful.
The doctors and nurses have filled in the holes and explained things as well as they can.
Here is what we know...
Bronson arrived at the ER in full cardiac arrest.
He was intubated en route, but the tube was ineffective
because it had been misplaced in his esophogus instead of his trachia.
All resuscitation efforts had failed to that point,
but he was revived when his heart began to beat again spontaneously in the ER at UVRMC.
He is being treated for anoxic brain injury,
although it continues to remain unclear how severe that might be.
His official down time is impossible to calculate
because we will never know how long he spent underwater before being found and pulled out.
Kaden placed the 911 call at 11:20 am.
The EMT's arrived at our home at 11:24.
Bronson was en route by 11:29 and arrived DOA at 11:31.
Eleven long minutes... plus ?

Currently, he is very sick and the outcome is still unclear.
He is considered in critical, but now stable, condition.
It is still too soon to know whether he will survive,
and if so how much damage there may have been to his brain.
All the early tests have shown surprisingly positive indications,
although it will be several days more, at least, before we really have many answers
or know what we will will be dealing with.
His initial CT scan showed minimal swelling of the brain
and definitive differentiation between white and gray matter.
We feel fortunate that because of his young age, his fontanelle (soft spot) is still open,
which gives his brain a little bit more room to expand without damage, as he heals.
We chose to have Bronson receive a cutting edge, but experimental treatment
called Post-Arrest Hypothermic Therapy.
The theory is that by inducing hypothermia and reducing his body temperture,
we reduce his swelling (and therefore any further secondary injury that could be caused by it).
More importantly, it also reduces his metabolic rate and metabolism,
(thereby minimizing the energy stores needed to run all of his vital bodily systems).
So that frees up his body's reserves to help heal the most injured parts, his brain and lungs.
The down side to this is that it requires a paralytic medication
to prevent his body's natural shivering reflex.
So he is medically paralyzed for at least 48 hours.
He is also kept heavily sedated to prevent usage of unnecessary energy.
So the wait time before regular neurological assessments can begin is therefore extended.
I'll be honest... It has been an agonizing couple of days just waiting and not knowing.
Still, we were well advised and felt very good that we should do anything we can
to maximize his healing time and allow his body to rest, heal and resethis circuitry, in a sense.
And if there is any chance at all of improving his prognosis,
we felt we had to give it our best shot and that it would be worth a relatively small wait.
Doctors were clear that they did not want to instill false hope
and that the outcome looked fairly grim.
Saturday was pure, unmistakable misery for all of us.
We made it through the first torturous night.
No one slept well.
Matt tossed and turned restlessly, waking up each time only to realize he was still here.
I had horrific nightmares. You don't want to imagine.
His early morning chest X-ray came back to show fluid in his right lung.
(A common issue with post-arrest victims who have aspirated during CPR.)
They began an antibiotic to keep the pneumonia from worsening.
Antibiotics are miraculous.
They also temporarily suspended the paralytic medication in order to do an initial
neurological assessment of brain activity and determine a starting point for his progress.
We were all surprised to see that his pupils were reactive to light,
as opposed to the consistent fixed and dialated position the day prior.
And then a tiny little miracle...
We were almost too nervous to hope they were real!
But before long he came out of sedation enough to look around and blink,
no doubt trying to make sense of where he was and what he was seeing.
Pure joy. I now know what it feels like.
We were also super encouraged to see him move each of his four major extremities.
Each arm and each leg had what appeared to be purposeful, cognitive movement.
He even passed gas several times!
Who would have thought we'd be so proud and excited for that!
The rest of the day was much of the same.
Many visitors, much love, overwhelming support.
We did have to make the decision to focus just on Bronson
and ultimately gave up trying to make text updates to everyone.
We hope you understand...
Thanks to Cheryl, Mindy, Lori and whomever else has been helping to spread our news,
keep all of our family, friends, neighbors and loved ones informed
and most importantly petition for your prayers and support.
Monday morning's chest X-ray showed a more concentrated area of fluid.
This evening, they began to suspect that a portion of his right lung has actually collapsed.
They have adjusted the method and pattern of ventilation
in order to maximize oxygenation and prevent further lung damage.
Tomorrow night's possible extubation looks unlikely.
He also had a little hiccup with the Arterial IV in his left arm...
It infiltrated and collapsed, leaking caustic medication into his arm, rather than his vein.
He is pretty puffy and bruised and has some slight petechiae,
but they caught it early and it should heal in a day or two with no permanent tissue damage.
He was holding his favorite blankie, a gift from his Auntie Jane.
But the MOST exciting part of today was during the afternoon's neuro-assessment...
Initially, it was actually fairly disappointing, as compared to yesterday's good news.
He was much less responsive and seemed more sluggish coming to.
His pupils are still reactive, but are unevenly dialated, (we are told
probably due to the fact that he is still at the peak point for cranial and cerebrial swelling).
HOWEVER, we noticed that rather than just randomly gazing around the room,
he seemed to actually make brief eye contact!
At one point he connected his gaze with Matt's and held for a few seconds.
He also seemed to follow or track toward familiar voices!
Matt and I tried standing on opposite sides of his bed and taking turns speaking to him.
He definitely attempted to turn toward each of us in turn! Especially his Mama!
We are convinced that this is an indication of cognitive processing and recognition!
We are praying we are right!
We are feeling so encouraged that he is fighting so hard! He is such a strong little stinker!
The doctors and nurses seemed very surprised and encouraged!
He also completed his 48 hour cooling period and began the warm-up phase.
They will slowly return him back to regular body temperature over the next 16 hours.
He should be done around noon or 1:00 tomorrow afternoon.
Then they will attempt to take him off of the paralytic, lighten his sedative
and see how he does. We will just have to wait and see.
Tomorrow could be a very pivotal day!
Our other boys are home with Alli and seem to be doing well.
They made their second trip up to see us tonight and stayed for a couple of hours.
They are each dealing with their part in the crisis so differently but seem to be coping.
They miss us. They are praying for their brother.
Matt and I are still in a bit of a haze, but are trying to process all that is happening.
It hardly seems real!
We plan to continue to stay up at PCMC for the next forseeable little while.
I do not want to leave him.
We take turns sleeping and staying by his side in his room.
We are doing our best to take care of ourselves and appreciate your support.
We are trying not to think about the what ifs and what thens, but are taking things hour by hour.
We are still praying for a miracle.
Already so many tender mercies have been extended.
So many friends and family have texted, sent messages and gifts, called and been to visit!
It is overwhelming... truly...
Meals are coming in by the truckload!
Our wonderful next-door-neighbor, Jacque, already has us coordinated through next week!
And they are even coming from hundreds of miles away!
Our dear friend, Jane, arranged them while poolside from her vacation in Maui!
We appreciate all of you for your amazing efforts
and your kind, understanding words of encouragement, support and hope.
Most of all, we are grateful for your faith and prayers.
We feel them! They are real!
We are humbled by your many outpourings of love!
We thank the Lord for the eternal nature of families and our testimonies of the gospel.
We have all received beautiful priesthood blessings with powerful promises.
We ask for your continued faith and prayers on our behalf.
Please pray that Bronson's life will be preserved and that his mind will be protected...
That we will be able to feel peace and clarity
when making whatever difficult decisions must be made...
And that we will have the strength and perspective to follow the spirit as it guides us
and that as we discover Heavenly Father's will, we will have the courage to follow it.
For now, please hug your babies a little tighter...
Give your children a little extra squeeze...
Be a little more patient and diligent
and a little less distracted by the things that will wait until later.
Embrace the things that matter most!
Life is so fragile...
We are holding onto it for now.


Katie Doyle said...

Sara and Family,
I am so, so sorry. I've tried to write half a dozen things, but everything sounds trite and silly. Just know that we are thinking of you and love you.

I won't sugar coat anything, but please know that I don't hold you responsible. I get distracted so easily while I am being the mom, so I completely understand.

I also fully support your decision to blog this. I am very active in the blogging world and to me this is just a natural and effective way to communicate. I look forward to reading updates and pray and hope that things continue to improve.

Sabra said...

Sara and Matt,
My heart truely aches for you and since I found out about the accident I have not been able to stop thinking about you and your sweet, beautiful family. Bronson is in our faithful prayers, your entire family is. Thanks for sharing your story and know that I am being more patient and loving to my babies. Be strong, go forward with faith and be believing. With all the love and sincerity I posess, Sabra

My Life as a Domestic Goddess said...

oh sara, I don't even know where to begin. I do want you to know I love you so much. I am so sorry your sweet little family had to go through this. It's horrible. You are in my thoughts & prayers every minute of the day. I have wanted to come visit you guys every day but kept feeling like maybe I should wait. I know you have so many others that want to be with at this time. Every time I look at Crew, Bronson comes to mind. We love him so. If I can do anything at all for you, let me know. I am just a phone call away. I love you Sara!

Traci said...

Oh Sara, it is a beautiful account of a life changing experience. We love you, we are praying for you and with you and are at your side in strength and spirit! You have been blessed by the spirit and will continue to be while all of us are praying for you! We love that little guy and your whole family! Miracles happen, we will keep praying for one! Love you sooo much!

Jill said...

Your gift for words are indeed that, a gift. Beautiful yet heart wrenching account of this nightmare we as parents all dread. There is no better mother for all of those boys, husband included, than you. Your faith and hope is an inspiration to us all. Love you and ABSOLUTELY believe in've been blessed with 4 already...sweet little Bronson...get well little guy!

Praying ever so fervently for your family...

Sandy said...

Wow. I can't stop the tears. Our family is praying for you and sweet Bronson. Your faith is so inspiring and I am at a loss for words. Get well soon little man!

Sandy said...

Wow. I can't stop the tears. Our family is praying for you and sweet Bronson. Your faith is so inspiring and I am at a loss for words. Get well soon little man!

Kimberly said...

It's hard to type when you are sobbing :(

My heart aches for you...

Our constant thoughts are with you and we are petitioning for Heaven's help for Bronson, you and Matt and your sweet family.

Love You!

Molly said...

I can't tell you how many people have told me that they are thinking about you...constantly. Our heart is aching with you. You are sweet to offer this as a way for us to watch Bronson's progress. I think it helps to feel like we can be of some support, even from afar, when we know what you are going through. But mostly I hope that writing about this helps you to work through all this and brings you some comfort. I think it would for me. We love you.

The Benches said...

We love you guys so much. We are all praying for little sweet Bronson. What a wonderfully strong family you guys are. An example to all of us. Thanks for sharing such intimate and precious details with us. We will continue to be thinking of you all and keeping a prayer in our heart all day and night for dearest Bronson. Love to you all, The Benches

{jane} said...

Aw, he's all snuggled up with the blanket I made, makes my heart smile while continuing to hope for miracles. We will be home tomorrow and as you know, we are at your disposal for anything you need. A reminder that I am a night-owl, I can be used 24/7. Love you all. So much.

Britney said...

I, for one, love your thoroughness. It's one of my favorite things about you.
You are an amazing family and we are so sorry. All of you - especially little B - are in our thoughts and prayers constantly. Much love.
Ben & Britney

-Amy- said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
-Amy- said...

Sara, you dont know me but I am a friend of Mindy's. I have been following your story through Mindy since it happened. I want you to know that your family have been in my prayers. Sweet Bonson is on my mind everyday. I have two boys of my own and everyday I always find myself so distracted by really unimportant things. We have had a few close calls ourselves, one of them being the bath tub. I was also distracted by laundry. I thought "I will just run and put the clothes in the dryer real fast!" By you sharing your tragedy, it has made me slow down and remember the important things in life and I thank you for that! We often forget our own experiences and close calls and go back to the same fast paced life. May blessing keep coming your way and know that many people are praying for your family and sweet little Bronson. Your strength amazes me!!

Kimball said...

Matt & Sara,

We love you guys. We have been fasting and praying for your family. If there is anything we can do for you we would love to help. We feel so useless. You have such a great family and are loved by so many.

The Hodges

R Clan said...

Matt and Sara,

You are amazing. The tears are flowing and my heart is aching. I am praying for you and hope that you will find peace and comfort at this time.

-Ruthanne (Fuller) Hotton

Amy Eds said...

We heard about this tragedy on Sunday. We held a special family prayer for your family and especially for Bronson. Tears flow as I read your post and know the same could happen to any mother--my kids love to play in the tub too--I don't think anyone blames you. We will continue to pray for a miracle for your little Bronson.

Lynette said...

I am bawling my eyes out. I am truly sorry you are going through this. Thank you for sharing all the intimate details and truthful heartfelt feelings. You are in our thoughts constantly. Waiting and loving you. Take care and Thank you so much for blogging this for all of us that are praying, and caring for you and yours. God has blessed Bronson and may he continue to do so.
Love Aunt Lynette and Dan

Steve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steve said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you! Thank you for being so detailed about your thoughts and feelings so the rest of us can be a witness to the many small miracles along the way. Bronson is so lucky to have you for a mother!

Love - Steve and Laura Gardanier

Joey and Nettifer said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you! Thank you for keeping us updated and being so real! We heard Sunday and my heart broke for you and Matt! We will keep praying for you and your family!

Jesicca said...

You have always been a gracious, kind, loving person with a heart of gold who loves and adores her family of boys. We feel blessed to have rubbed shoulders with your family and want you to know that you are loved and thought of often in the Kallas family.
We are thankful for your bravery in sharing such a raw moment in your life. Thank you for your effeciency in details.
You have a loving and adoring man at your side who is a ROCK. Lean on each other, praise each other, comfort one another and NEVER blame yourself! We certainly don't and I am sure others do not as well.
Heavenly Father answers prayers, he loves you, he loves your boys, he will care for them like no other. Breath and take it a moment at a time.
We love you guys and you are definitely in our prayers.
XOXO-the Kallas'

Kajsa Farnsworth said...

My heart is breaking for you and your family. You have often been a source of support and comfort for us through what now feels like extremely trivial events. I hope we can provide some comfort to you as well. Please know that we love and support you. We will be thinking of and praying for your family constantly.

Marianna said...

Sara & Matt,

Thank you, thank you for the update! I have been going stir crazy wondering how things were going! You are in our thoughts and prayers! Miracles happen. Bronson IS a miracle! We love you guys! Kiss his sweet little forehead for me! I feel so helpless here in CA, so I'll just keep praying!

Love you all!
Marianna & fam

Shanin Chamberlain said...

Matt and Sara, Our hearts are broken for you and your family. We love that adorable little boy and have been constantly praying for him and your family. We, as I'm sure many others, are standing by waiting to help at any moment. But for now our thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for the touching and testimony building account of your horrific tragedy. We love you all, Jon and Shanin

amy jane carpenter said...

Sara - thank you for writing about this painful experience. I've been thinking about you guys since I heard the news and our prayers are with you. I want you to know I think you and matt are absolutely amazing and inspiring.

jaredean said...

Lissette and I love you and were happy that his coloring is so much better than we were expecting...he looks like he is a peaceful sleeping is the story i was telling you about our neighbour that had their son submerged under water for 15 minutes and he came through it - the days after were like yours, very hard - but miracles sounded comforted hearing about their story so i thought you might want to read i told you on Monday, he came through it really well but was out for a few days - non-responsive, etc...scroll down 1/2 way to: "Quick Update" on July 1st and follow it up...

Here is the link:

Shauna said...

I just want to let you know that my son was born with heart defects that went undiagnosed for 10 days. Because of this he also lacked oxygen to his brain, organs, and was severely acidotic. He is now two years old and despite being given a poor prognosis at the time, he shows no brain damage at this time. Hang in there.

sarah baldwin said...

sara and matt... we are thinking of you and praying our hearts out for all of you. thank you for telling your story. xoxo sarah & co.

Peg Lewis said...

We in the International Zone at the Family History Library are grateful for the news your father continues to share with us. We are joining our prayers to those who know you. Know that this outpouring of love from your father's fellow missionaries will continue as long as you and Bronson and your family need it. Your faith and his are an example to all of us. Sis Peg Lewis

Anonymous said...

I don't know you but I am praying for your sweet baby and for your entire family. Your details were heart wrenching, yet so appreciated. Your honesty is humbling. You are a beautiful writer. I am a mother of two boys and I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Even though I know the dangers of leaving the kids alone in the bathtub, I've done it, I think we've all done it. But these honest words have made me think differently. I am praying for a miracle and praying for peace for you. May God bless you.

Claudette said...

Matt & Sara
Sending prayers your way to give you the strength for to get through this.

In a world where everyone wants to point the finger and blame someone else for their problems - i find your honesty a powerful tool to be used to keep another family from having to go through this pain.

All at once i find my heart aching for you and joyful for your faith and strength.

(megan's friend from Michigan)

JAEAEAJ said...

We have never met; I linked to your account from a friend of a friends. I want you to know you are in our prayers~ I will call the temple in the morning and have his name placed on the roll.
Looking for a miracle

Temple said...

Thank you SO much for sharing such a humble and heartfelt story. As a mother of 2 little boys I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. Tears were streaming down my face as I was reading. We ALL make mistakes we wish we could take back. Looking back on mine, in the end they've made me that much stronger. I can say without a doubt, the words you've expressed and the sweet story of faith, family and the pulling together of loving friends, neighbors and ward members TRULY has touched my heart. I have FULL faith in your husbands priesthood blessing for your son. You are SO blessed to have that in your life and I pray that you may receive comfort in knowing all things happen for a reason. I know one thing positive which has already happened through this experience...MY testimony has been strengthened and I thank you for that! I wish you ALL the peace I can wish. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers and I'm SO grateful your baby is already showing positive signs!! Luvs!

Becky Wertz said...

you and your family are in our prayers

Sue said...

Oh Sara, bless you for sharing this story, for sharing every little detail of your emotions. I have left Mack and Amelia in the bathtub alone so many times, you are not the only mother to do that. Thank you for giving us all a place to watch over Bronson. I figured you were likely overwhelmed with texting and I kept checking facebook and your blog for information.

There is an army of people, friends and strangers both, praying for you, Matt, and all of your boys. I wish I were closer to help, but I will plan another day of fasting tomorrow so the Lord can pour out His strength and energy on Bronson, you and Matt.

I posted something about Bronson on my blog, and if you didn't get my text a day or two ago, please go read my blog and know of the deep love and respect I have for you and Matt and how you have prepared your family for this crisis. Love you so, so much!

Jenn Granum said...

Our thoughts and prayers are constantly with you, Bronson, and the rest of your family through all of this. Bronson seems to be a little fighter! All of the encouraging signs are just miracles. Your family, love, and faith are so strong!
Sara, please know that ALL moms can get get distracted. We all can sympathize with what you must be going through and our hearts are full of LOVE and COMPASSION for you because this could be any one of us!
I will hug my boys a little longer and hope our hugs reach across the miles to you and your beautiful boys.

We are the Mayletts said...

I am so sorry. Your little guy is in our prayers. And you are in our prayers.
We have all "walked away" Sara. We have all had those moments and I am so sorry this happened to you.
You are a great mom and everyone supports you.
Now get that baby home! -Dickie

Amy said...

You don't know me... we live on a remote island in Alaska... but I just wanted you to know that our prayers are with you. I believe in the power of the priesthood and that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. Truly he is watching over you and your beautiful family.

joey said...

I have been thinking about you constantly since I found out about your baby on Monday. I have seriously been heartsick for you. I am so grateful you blogged your story and are giving updates so all of us that love you can keep up. We are in WJ if you need anything while at Primary's I am here. We will keep you in our prayers and you are always in my thoughts. Love you...we are all praying, and trust me I know God can work miracles! Joey

dunlop family said...

sara....i dont even know you. i heard about your story through an email from a friend. i am truely truley sorry for your family. i have been sick all day thinking about this. thinking about how many times i have left for just one second. my husband and i are praying for you...for all the things you asked. be strong faithful and remeber those blessings given. you can ALL heal from this. and your testimony is beautiful. thank you for letting us in your life to learn and appriciate.

much love,
teresa dunlop
st george

kimsueellen said...

I do not know you. I came from my friend Nat's blog, who just lost her own son a month ago.

My heart is with you. My prayers are with you...and with Bronson!

Much, much, much love.

Joy said...

I don't know you Sara - but you have the love and hope of our entire family.


kamille said...

just came across your blog - i am so sorry and your family is in our prayers!

i will hug my babies a little tighter tonight.

Rebekah said...

sara, i heard of your story on another blog and wanted to let you know that i am praying for bronson, you & your husband, your boys, the doctors, and for all of those who are right there with you supporting you moment by moment. hugs from oklahoma!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, I am praying for your family and doctors. My heart is with you

Sarah Q said...

Oh my gosh, Sara! I just cried and cried and cried reading this! I'm so sorry you and your family are having to deal with such a tragedy. You all will be in my constant thoughts! Hang in there, mama! XOXOXO, Sarah Q in Austin

Sarah Q said...

Oh my gosh, Sara! I just cried and cried and cried reading this! I'm so sorry you and your family are having to deal with such a tragedy. You all will be in my constant thoughts! Hang in there, mama! XOXOXO, Sarah Q in Austin

Bridget said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. May you continue to feel the tender mercies of the Lord. Our prayers are with you and Bronson.

onceapickle said...


I don't know what else to say except I am so, so sorry! I have been thinking of you and your dear family non-stop since I heard about your little Bronson earlier this week. Please know that you, Matt, Bronson and your boys are in our thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for sharing your heartbreak with us, as well as your testimony and faith. Thank you for the reminder to really focus on what matters most and to cherish these sweet little children we are honored to have in our lives.

We wish you all the best and much love.

Chris and Jenn

kennan said...

i dont know you. but my prayers are with you, your kids, your husband, and especially bronson.

leisa said...

praying for your family... from hawaii

Krystal said...

Hi, I don't know you, but live in Provo, not far from Timpview, we're probably neighbors. I, too, have 4 little boys. My heart is aching for you. You will be in my prayers.

Rachel said...

I don't know you but just read your horrific story. I am so sorry you and your family are having to deal with this. It is really eye opening for me. I seem to do what you did all the time! I will NEVER do it again. Your right, those things can wait. Thank you for your sweet testimony and we will surely be praying for your sweet family. Hang in there.

Angela said...

I don't know you or even live in Utah, but I read about you and your family on a friend's blog. I am guilty about being distracted by things that don't matter when I should be focusing and spending time with my boys. We are praying for your family and especially your little one here in Vancouver, Washington.

Keeping Up With the Jones said...

I don't know you--my former ward member Jean Dean posted your blog on facebook, but I want you to know my family will be praying for you. We went through a similar drowning experience with our 4-year-old son last July and although it wasn't identical, I can identify with parts of what you are going through. I'm so sorry, my heart breaks for you, and you are in our prayers.

Keeping Up With the Jones said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your accident (I commented after your first post). We are the family Jared Blanchard referred to in his comment. Our son was in a horrible drowning accident last summer and reading your experience was painfully familiar. I'm so happy and amazed to report that 6 months later he is a happy, healthy boy. It was a tough road with countless obstacles, but you're in our prayers. Please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do or help you with. Even just to talk.

tollestrupfamily said...

Like so many others I don't know you but I have been the multi-tasker Mom so many times during bathtimes that it makes me sick. You have been such a wake-up call for me and I can't ever thank you enough for your honesty and humanity. We are all Mom's trying our hardest to do what is right and we fail on a daily basis but at the end of the day we love our kids and would move mountains for them if we could. It looks like your faith, prayers and sheer "Motherness" is moving mountains for your baby. Our family will keep you in our prayers and fast for your family this Sunday. You never know how trials will change you and effect people all around you. Not that anyone ever wants anything horrible to happen but Bronson has already impacted me and countless others. Thank you for your words, hope and the love that you can feel through your blog. "Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible."
Marion C. Garretty

Jennifer Quinn said...


Your courage and authenticity is profound and moving.

A friend posted Bronson's condition on facebook and asked for prayers --

You're in mine -- all of you.

<3 Jennifer

brenkachicka said...

Oh my goodness. I was at Utah Valley Hospital visiting my nephew in the NICU when you were there. I remember clearly a helicopter landing and then leaving. (My nephew has a window with a wonderful view.) My heart raced and I felt the anxiety I always feel when I see a helicopter. I told my sister that seeing that helicopter made me scared and sad for whoever was in it and their family. See, it was almost eight years ago my baby girl was life-flighted from a small rural hospital to Fargo for a traumatic brain injury. She had been kicked in the head by a horse. It was THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. She was intubated and shutting down. But she pulled out of it and extubated herself! Five days later we left Fargo with a newly turned 2 year old girl who had just re-learned to walk. (We celebrated her 2nd birthday in the hospital.) It was a miracle. Her skull had fractured and that relieved the pressure from the brain bleeds, so she needed no surgery. She is now 9, will be 10 in May. She does have a tremor in her hands and some learning disabilities. But every birthday she has, and every accomplishment MEANS SO MUCH.
One thing that was told to me that brought me unexpected comfort was told to me by a friend who had almost lost her teenage son to a bear attack at a scout camp. She told me that not a day would go by when I would not remember the events of the day my child almost died. And that would be ok. It's been true. For the last almost eight years not a day has gone by when I don't think of that day. It might be as simple as her sitting next to me as I fold laundry. I look at her beautiful face and feel this sudden rush and remember. Then I hug her just because I can.
I will be praying for you.

Gates said...

Our prayers are with you. You and your sweet boy are loved by so many who are offering prayers for his quick recovery. Stay strong

Jacinda said...

My heart just aches for you and your family. You will all be in my prayers, and put on the temple prayer roll next time I am there. Throughout your heartfelt story, one thing kept impressing on my mind. He had a priesthood blessing to be MADE WHOLE again. I believe this will happen. If not, the brethren could not have uttered these particular words. Have faith. The Lord will provide, and until then I will include him and you all in my prayers.

Melanie said...

I just read your post, and I want to thank you for sharing your heart ache & trials with all of us, strangers to you. I have twin 2 year old girls, and I've done the same multi-tasking that so many of your friends and family have related they do as comfort to you. I feel for your pain, but, like everyone who loves you, I hope you feel that we mothers don't judge your actions. I will join these hundreds of people and pray for you, your husband & Bronson.

Christina said...

I am so sorry for what you are having to go through. My brother, David Hymas, shared this with me (he and his wife are great friends with the Dullams). Anyway, I wanted to let you know how grateful I am for your honesty and realness. This is such an unfortunate accident (and it is exactly that, an ACCIDENT) and I will be praying for your family and your little Bronson. I really loved your comments and this one particularly, "Be a little more patient and diligent
and a little less distracted by the things that will wait until later." I have been struggling with my little 3 year old and am so grateful for my own change of heart because of your willingness to share. Thank you!

Keep the faith and remember miracles still happen and you will be blest!

Much love and prayers from our little Utah family.

Kelly said...

Thank you so MUCH for sharing this post with us!! I found your story on someone blog, and I decided to check it out! I am a mother of 3 boys, a memeber of the LDS church, and Have a little boy about the same age as your little guy! (sept 118,2008) My thoughts and prayers are with you! I am guilty of doing the same exact thing you did!! And I will NEVER do that again! I hate that is takes something thise tragic to remind us this! I love you even though I dont know you, and I feel your pain! Please stay strong! I will keep reading the rest of your post's cause this is all i have read so far! I hope your baby recieves a Miracle!
Mom of 3 boys, in Gilbert, AZ

April said...

I was also led to your blog by a posting on facebook. I never post comments on blogs, but I had to let you know there are many many people praying for you, your son and your whole family. Miracles do happen, just keep your faith in the power of prayer! I also pray you will one day be able to find what you need to forgive yourself. It was an accident, and while I know right now that does nothing to comfort you, I hope that someday you will come to know that. And I know that little Bronson would not want his mommy to beat herself up about it.

You are very eloquent and a wonderful writer. Your honest and open description of events made me feel as though I was there with you. And maybe this is not an appropriate time to say this, but when this is all over and things settle down you may want to consider becoming a writer. You're very talented.

Jill said...

many prayers from st. george are being said in your behalf. may the Lord continue to bless you and your beautiful family.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry. We have all done the same thing and never think that would ever happen to us! Thank you for posting and teaching us a good lesson. My heart goes out to you and your family. WE WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU ALL!

Here is the number of an amazing child play theripist that treats children that have been through tramatizing situations, if you are intrested. J.P. Lilly 801-377-0930.

Anonymous said...

My family and I are praying for you. How difficult this must be for you, please know that you are a good mom. My heart goes out to you, your boy and family.

Twinkletoes said...

Praying for you in PA.

tisha kirby said...

Sara...(amd family)
You will not know my name, Alex Fox sent me your blog asking us to say a prayer for your Bronson. But even without knowing you-I ache for you as you struggle at this time. I know I can not know exactly how you feel, but I had twin girls 3 years ago who were born extremely premature and were in the NICU for months and it was touch and go for a long time. As I read your blog, memories flood over me and I can not control the tears. Those are days I would not relive at any cost. I had never felt so out of control or so sad, confused, angry or helpless in my whole life. There is nothing like having a sick child to bring you to your knees. Life is so precious and so very fragile and every single day is a beautiful gift. I remember one night was particularly grim and we had been notified one of our girls may not make it through the night. I remember almost collapsing with grief- overcome with sadness and filled with anger. My dad came to me and said, "this is going to be ok-one way or the other, this is going to be ok" I hated those words. I wanted to hear my little Emersyn was going to do fine. I wanted news of comfort-that I would one day take her home and she would live a healthy happy life. Those were not the words I heard. As I look back, I understand what my father meant but was just not prepared to deal with that thought. I could not wrap my thoughts around the loss of a child. I remember deciding like you that I could not have faith and fear together in my heart. I could only choose one- and like you I chose faith. I remember giving up what I wanted and turning it over to Heavenly Father, not knowing what the future held... it was the scariest but most satisfying prayer I have ever uttered. You are so strong to be able to share your story and help so many people. I was not so brave and was so terrified to even talk of what was happening afraid it may come to fruition. You will find great strength as you share your story. You are strong. You are amazing. And, yes- a train wreck. True. All true. My heart is with you-even if we are strangers. We are both mothers and that in itself is a bond that can not be explained. I love your little Bronson. I am praying for him night and day. But know that I am praying for you, as his mother just as hard. Thank you for the reminder to embrace the things that matter most...

Kim Tibbitts said...

You don't know me but I think I know A small part of your sorrow. A few years ago I ran over our daughter with our van. She came through with no permenate damage, but the scaring I  thought would forever be in my heart as a result of my (what I thought to be) an unforgivabe mistake, has completly healed. There truly is no other way nor means where by this miricle could have come to pass, except in and  through the power of the atonement. You are in for a real journey, allow it to be one filled with faith, hope and most of all, charity the pure love of Christ. Be still and KNOW God. His greatest desire is to comfort, heal and bless you.      
Sent from my iPhone

tisha kirby said...

oh i must add . . . both my twin girls (Eden and Emersyn) came home healthy and happy. They are 3 yrs old now and because of those times and those memories-i try to live everyday and enjoy every moment with them! We are so blessed and I know your famiy will be as well.

Sarah Sparks said...


I can not even imagine to begin to understand what you must be going through. As I read this something you wrote caught my attention regarding one of the boys turning the water back on. I'm sure you've already talked to your 2 year old, but just in case... My daughter is one week younger than Bronson, and whenever I have her in the tub she always try to stand up to turn the water back on. I also have a niece that is almost 3, and she is usually too distracted by toys to even think about the water. You are a mother of 4 boys, and I just have 1 daughter; you are far more experienced being a mommy than I am, I just wanted to share with you... Your family and baby have been in my thoughts and prayers all day. Be strong and keep your sights on God. He is constant. Much love to you, Matt and your boys.

Stina said...

You don't know me, but I am in tears. I am so sorry for this accident in your family. But, thank you for sharing your story. It is a bad habit of mine to leave the kids in the tub...never again. I'll pray for your family!

Danielle and the Boys said...

I don't know you either but my heart is honestly breaking for you! My family and I will be praying for your sweet and strong Bronson, you, and your family. Know that you are loved and I'll be that much more diligent about watching my boys while they bathe! May God bless you with the strength you need to get through this trying time!

Anonymous said...

I don't know you and you don't know me. I too found a link to this through facebook. I appreciate your forthrightness in describing the events of the day. I could see myself in you so much--taking a moment to put things away to get a little ahead. I am ashamed to say I have unwittingly gambled eternal things for temporal things too. Because of your truthfulness I have learned an invaluable lesson. You are in my prayers as well. Please have faith in the Savior, I truly believe that in Him anything can be made whole. said...

Lori J. sent me your blog. Our family's prayer and fasts are with your family. Lots of love to you.

Anonymous said...

I don't know you but I had heard your story from my sister while I was out of town then randomly stumbled upon a link to your blog. I am so sorry for what your family is going through. You will be in our thoughts and prayers constantly. I wish you and little Bronson the best.

Rachel said...

I don't even know you, but I am praying for you guys.

Anonymous said...

I don't know you. My friend sent me a link to your blog. I am also a mom. We are praying for you.

Erin said...


like many others who commented... I don't know you. I just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I also wanted to thank you for reminding me to slow down. I can't believe how careless I'VE been. Your story has really impacted me and I know you've made a difference in my life. Thank you for that! You seem very strong and I really do wish you the best.

Jeannie Reeves Photography said...

One of my friends on facebook posted your link to your blog, requesting that your family is in desperate need of thoughts and prayers. I read your blog yesterday and just can not get your family out of my mind.. You all are truly in my thoughts for sure! Your detailed accounts of that day has really opened my eyes... (Thank You) so many times this could had happened to me.. I have 3 boys, age 14, 4 and 3. We also have a pool... and because of this blog, I purchased a pool alarm just to add some more security... My heart just aches for you and your family!

yvonne enger said...

I don't know you, but my prayers are with you, and your family.I do know the sick feeling you are having. It's not your falt, we do the best we can, please please stop blaming yourself. I know it's hard.Heavenly Father and Jesus will get you through this.

The Currie Family said...

We don't know eachother, my friend sent me your blog asking for prayers for your family. Just wanted you to know that there are many strangers praying for your sweet baby boy.

Anonymous said...

I heard your story through my sister - one of her friends is a friend of yours. I just wanted to send you all a message that we are praying for yall constantly and lifting up Bronson here in Canton, GA. Praying for peace for your family...

Anonymous said...

Your story got posted on facebook by one of my friends.I feel for you. I have 4 daughters of mine and I have been in a situation with two of my kids.i feel for you. i am LDS and I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts.I hope your son has a speedy recovery.

Jessica Faith said...

dear sara and family - i've never met you but i found your blog through a referral by a friend's friend - amazing connections!! :)
i am praying for you and your sweet family during this trial!!! said...

I am praying for your little man.
God be with you.

Anonymous said...

Emily said...

I am choking back tears as I read your account of what happened. Though my heart is breaking it is still hopeful for Bronson's full recovery. Your most recent posts are encouraging and I will continue to pray and hope for your family.

Bree said...

I just finished reading your story, and I have to tell you that I am amazed by you and your husband's strength and faith. Bronson is obviously a fighter, and I pray it's the Lord's will that he pulls through to a full recovery. You are (and will continue to be) in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for reminding all us Mom's that the little things can wait. Now, I need to go and hug my babies. All the love and prayers to you and your family.


Anonymous said...

As I am choking back the tears, I thank you for giving me a gift tonight. Me and my 3 youngest children were in a car accident earlier this evening. We are all ok. Between the car accident and reading your blog tonight, my mind has been opened and my heart has been touched! Life is soooooo precious!! Heavenly Father's plan is a perfect plan. Continue to trust in him. Bronson and your precious family are in our every prayer from now on. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.

Anonymous said...

This was a heartbreaking read. I lost a friend when I was very young when her mom accidentally ran over her while backing up out of their driveway. Nothing was ever the same for that family or for me after that day. Life is indeed fragile. Every moment I've spent with my kids (daughter, 17 and son, 13) has been laced with many fears. As moms it's natural to worry about our kids safety to some degree, but when tragedy happens close to you-your fears become empowering emotions. Our experiences shape us into who we are as people and into making certain choices. I believe you when you say you will never let yourself become distracted by something so unimportant again. I am so sorry your family is going through this. I hope that your story will save others-MANY OTHERS. While growing up I heard stories about babies drowning, toddlers drowning, kids drowning...I took them to heart even though they weren't kids I knew well. I knew after losing my friend in that horrible car accident and watching her mother for years afterward never fully able to cope with the guilt that EVERY scary story has a purpose of being told. There is truth that is meant to be a light for somebody else who could be saved.

Nobody ever means for these things to happen, but still they do. Talking about it will save others and help you to heal. You are very brave for laying it all out publicly like you are. I'm SURE your words, this terrible experience will save other lives. It has to. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. A thousand tears later...


Anonymous said...

Dear Sara

Our prayers to God for a speedy recovery for your son.

Our job is not to understand why. Our job is to love and pray and have faith that all will be well.

with love


weathertoday said...

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BrEZe said...

i have to thank you for your true honesty and reflection on how this tragic accident happened.. i can easily-Easily see myself making the same mistake you did, stepping out for just one second too long.. and i'm sure it was hard to bear that guilt on your shoulders.

your story is one of optimism, strength, and courage... and i am so thrilled to see that it has ended so well for you. your son must truly be a fighter.. thank you for sharing your story with us.

Makenzies Miracle said...

I just want you to know that we are praying for you! My daughter choked on a goldfish cracker 3 years ago suffering a serious brain injury but she is here, happy, and healthy! She has many physical challenges but continues to heal everyday!Her story can be found at!
Tons onf hugs and prayers from CO!

Karina said...

Hi Sara. I am a stranger, but your courage to write will help many other people as it is spreading far and wide. My deepest thanks for sharing your life with others...with me.

Kristi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kristi said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, I feel lucky that I got to read your post from today (or yesterday) right after this one and see the miraculous recovery or Bronson. I will continue to pray for your family while you all continue to heal physically and emotionally. You have a beautiful family and I am so grateful that this story has a happy ending!

Metcalf Family said...

you don't know me and I don't know you but I just read your post about your little baby son. I felt as if i was right there with you.. bawling the entire time. I live up here by primary childrens hospital. I wish there was something I could do for you. I will pray for your little boy and your family. I have a 3 year old daughter and 11 month old son and this could have easily been me. we all get distracted with things so please don't blame yourself you are a wonderful strong mother. I will pray for you daily.Thank you for sharing this because it will help me to pay closer attention to.

Much Love


Anonymous said...

My heart and the prayers of our little family goes out to you!! PMCM are experts! You are in good hands!

Corie said...

We are praying for you and your family. God will not give us more than we can handle, you are a strong woman.

stayputsocks said...

I don't even know you but I heard your story and my heart aches for you. I am so proud of you for being so honest. Most of us mom's have left our kids in an unsafe environment at one time or another and for 99% of us nothing ever happens. I am not sure why you are the 1% but I do know that you are a strong woman and a GREAT mom. It is so obvious that you love your boys and that your family is your life. I too will pray for your family and have been so touched by your story. God bless you all.
Kate Brotherson

Varena said...

Dear Sara, unmet friend but angel sister thru Christ! Several years ago the baby of a former member of my ward passed from this world as her body succumbed to a scalding trauma when a watchful, caring and responsible 8 yr old sister took over bathing duties for her mom as a phone call interrupted the process. She placed her baby sister into the tub not realizing that the water was inadvertantly scalding hot. You KNOW and have so completely described the devastating thoughts and emotions that wrenched the minds and hearts of the surviving members and associates of that family. Many who heard the story from that brave family were enlightened and protected from similar traumas. Now, however, my family has a similar account to connect us to such heartache. This last spring, one of my sisters "lost" her darling little granddaughter in an unfortunate circumstance similar to yours when the little one seizured and became submerged in the tub water unwitnessed by mom as she said brief goodbyes to grandma at the door. So many of the thoughts and feelings you have detailed and bravely shared in your blog described exactly the experiences encountered and endured by us and our loved ones. My sweet little grandniece was also life-flighted to PCMC but eventually she was not to revive. In the course of her trauma and ultimate death, estrangements in our extended family began to heal in miraculous and NOT insignificant ways. Her passing provided miraculous gifts of hope and healing to others whose bodies desperately hung in the balance waiting for healthy organs to sustain or restore them. None of us can fully know (as God does) the "big picture" as to the value or purposes of our associations during this earthly sojourn. I can witness to you that I KNOW that GOD KNOWS EVERYTHING from forever before it "begins" to forever after it "ends". While our precious little one is gone from this earth, she certainly is not lost. Nor is her mission yet completed. Nor is the power of her life's influence ended. There is a deep comfort and wisdom to be found in the simple but profound truth that NO ONE arrives in heaven UNEXPECTED!!! Unintentional, untimely, unwilling, unexplained in our finite, mortal vision, perhaps. But NEVER UNTIMELY or UNKNOWN or UNIMPORTANT to GOD and his purposes. We find comfort and wisdom in submitting our mistakes to HIS infinite care and keeping. HIS LOVE IS ETERNAL and HIS WILL is RIGHTEOUS. Sometimes our sufferings are the Savior's were...not as much to teach us to bless and teach others. Please KNOW that your courageous response to this unintentional trauma was known in advance by our Heavenly Father. Your sharings are part of his wise advance orchestrations in making provision for others who are praying for answers, guidance, purpose, help, comfort, wisdom, truth, light for themselves and their loved ones. You and your circle of connections have taken the burden of a very "bitter cup" upon your shoulders for goodness's sake. And many are conversing with their God from their hearts for the first time because of the Light you and yours are directing them to! Blessings on your heads, my sweet sister! Angels ARE all around you to bear you up as on eagle's wings! With much admiration and affection, you and yours are in the heart of many many prayers....and now around the world. Varena T. in Bountiful.

"THE KINIKINI'S" said...

I was overwhelmed with tears when reading all that has gone on with this precious little boy of shirt is wet from tears...I am a young mother of 6 children, my husband serves in the Bishopric of our ward...I read your story and sobbing I called my 4 younger ones that are still home with me I hugged them and just 5 year old asked me what was wrong..I was lost for words but to only say.. "I love you"

Thank you so much for sharing or rather exposing your family...I know that the Lord has directed you to do so, because through this..through YOU...I have been touched as a so many ways. Thank you.

My prayers are with You (I can only imagine as a Mother how torn you are wanting to be with him at the hospital, yet wanting to be with your children at home..just wanting to be back all together)also my prayers are with your son, your husband, your children.

I don't know you. But I feel a great love for you and your family, your testimonies have strengthened mine. If there is anything I can do, in any way...I would be so willing!

Marie Kinikini

The Skiles said...

I randomly came across your Blog yesterday...tears filled my eyes and streamed down my face. We will be praying for Bronson's FULL recovery.

In Christ,

Clattie Skiles

dave.heather said...

You are all in our hearts during this incredibly difficult time. We're sending thoughts of strength and health from Mexico.

The Stewart Family

CnR said...

We are praying for you and your family. I can't imagine what you are going through but I can tell you it was an accident, it could have happened to me. Thank you for blogging about this experience. It's a great reminder to me to cherish my children, remember what is important, and to not worry about the little things.

Miracles do happen. Heavenly Father loves you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story. You are a brave and wonderful mother. It is a reminder to me how precious my daughter's life is. I know that a loving Heavenly Father is watching over your Bronson and your entire family. I will add my prayers to the many already being offered in your behalf. Hope and healing to all in your family.

Anonymous said...

This was such a beautiful account. After seeing your story on KSL, and wondering if your little boy was enrolled in THAPCA I came accross your blog. I'm *so* glad he's doing better!

I work "Behind the scenes" with THAPCA and PCMC and it's so beautiful to see how it's benefitting the lives of others.

God bless your family, and may the Spirit continue to bless your lives.

The Pratts said...

I was directly to your blog from a family member of mine who is a friend of yours. I am so thankful you wrote your account... I do this all the time - leave my 4 yr old and 2 yr old in the tub while I run around and try to be productive. I promise I won't do that again. Thank you for helping all of us learn about priorities. Your son has been in my prayers since reading this and I look forward to your next post letting us all know how he is recovering. We send our love and prayers to you and your whole family.

5Pack said...

I don't know you or your family, but followed the link from the article on Sara, your experience has moved me like no other experience before. Maybe it is because I have a little boy who was born 3 weeks after your little Bronson, and he is our 4th as well. I have left my Johnny in the tub alone more than once. I bawled as I read your story. You have a gift for articulating things so well. I know it was not an accident that I came across your story today. I have felt moved to change, moved to love my kids even more, and moved by the love that God has for His little ones. Thank you for sharing your story, and thank God for a miraculous recovery. What a special mission this little boy was sent down here to accomplish. His story has changed my life. Sending much love your way. May his life be filled with happiness and love as he has touched so many people's lives. Thank you!

Emily said...

Don't be so hard on the policeman. His word may have felt insenisitve and incomprehensible to you, but his only interest is to make sure Bronson is protected. He needs to make sure nothing else happened other than what you said so that he knows your kids are ok. That is his only interest. He wasn't accusing or pointing fingers or anything, he just needed to get the story from the "witnesses" (2 and 6, man those are some unreliable witnesses!) as soon as possible so they can just get out of your hair and on their way as soon as possible. Otherwise there might be questions or doubt. if there is doubt, it opens a door you don't want opened- which leads to bad things like charging you with XYZ which, OBVIOUSLY is not what hapened or what shoudl happen to you guys! that would make it much worse!

It's his way of helping Bronson. Making sure he and the other kids are safe.

A foster mother a few miles from my home killed several of her toddler fostering children by bathing them in scalding hot water and claimed it was an accident, except she had burns from holding them down under water. We needed the police then to step in and protect the other children.

Calerich said...

You don't know me, and I don't know you. I heard about your little guy on the news and read your story and was directed to your blog. I am in tears as I read your words. Such honestly and candor. Thank you! I can't imagine what you have been through. I am so grateful and happy that things have turned out well. I will remember to hold my little ones longer and to think before I do those things that can wait till later.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing. Your story has impacted my life and will make me a better mother.
May your family continue to heal and be blessed by our Father in Heaven.

The Peach.... said...

I don't know you at all, but I read your entire story and know this, it could have happened to any one of us. My kids turn the water on by themselves all the time, even though I try to stop it. None of us are perfect. We are thinking of you and hope for only the best.....xoxo

Jen said...

Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much for writing about this. I do this. Bless you. Thank you so much for the reminder.

I'm so relieved to be reading this story when I already know your good news. You will be in my prayers. Wow. Again, thank you.

Screwed Up Texan said...

I've never talked about it before openly, but your story is too close to home for me. I've read this entry and your most recent and I hope and pray you get your son back like I did mine. What a miracle. I will never forget. I will always be more appreciative. God bless.

Mama M. said...

Oh my...just...oh my.

Sara, I can not imagine the guilt you are feeling, I'm just starting to read this now...but honestly, it could happen to any of us.

Not trying to sugar coat it, but it's the truth.

Many, many, many hugs and prayers to your family...

Chelle said...

Hi sweetie, a good friend of mine, Stephanie Colby Bliss sent me to your blog. I am so very sorry to hear about your son. I can only imagine how horrible you must feel right now. My heart is absolutely breaking for you and your family. Please be kind to yourself during these moments.

I am and will be praying for you and your family. I pray that your son recovers and that he is young enough that there will be no permanent damage.

My heart is going out to you and your family, and I am so glad that so many people have stepped in to help you. They are God's way of telling you everything will be okay. He is there for you and watching out for you.

Loads of love from the friend of a friend....

The Dell Family said...

You don't know me but after reading your entire post with tears dropping down my face I feel like I know you. I am from Las Vegas. I want you to know that I am praying for you and your lovely family and of course for Bronson. The power of Prayer is amazing which I know you already know this. IT's so wonderful that you have family and friends who love you guys so much and complete strangers like myself. What a blessing! Thank you for sharing your story. I am closer to the Lord because of it.

2babies1momma said...

Thankyou for sharing your story. I feel like a better mom for reading this. Even though I could barely see the screen through tears. This has touched me so deeply. I will pray for your little man.

Karen said...

You don't know me. I heard about your blog on a message board I post on. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I've been in your shoes, not too long ago. The accident was different, but I understand the guilt you feel, the pain of the what ifs, the roller coaster ride of the PICU.

I will pray for your sons full recovery and for your family. I know how incredible stressful (which doesn't even begin to describe it) this whole situation is.

Hugs from Chicago


birdeeb said...

Nickie posted this blog on her blog and I was curious as to what had happened! I BAWLED when I read what happened to you! :o( My kids are 3 & 5 and I leave them while I go do the laundry and other things! I am guilty of that same thing! I can not even imagine how horrible that situation can be!! :o( Your little babe that tried to hold him up in the tub touched my heart! SO SWEET!! Looks like there has been much progress since this post and I am so glad things are coming along!

Laurie said...

Our prayers are sent up from Arkansas from members who don't know you from Adam but can't imagine.... Our hearts and prayers are with you and him! The Lord can do great things! Hang in there!

Analisa-creator of hairblingzcutethings said...

I also don't know you but read your story and as a mother my heart also aches with you. I also have walked away to get clothes while my kids were in the tub so as hard as it is to forgive yourself, you must and know we've all made that mistake too. I am praying for your family. Your story was very touching. I just read recent posts and am so relieved to see Bronson is ok. I will continue to pray for you.

Mike and Tycie said...

Staker Family:
Im sure I am not the only stranger to come across your blog and read Bronsons Story! I had tears of sadness and tear of joy while reading about your little baby boy and his tragedy turned MIRACLE. As a mother of a two year old and one on little one on the way, it is VERY easy to relate to the daily chores and cares of motherhood. I know how easy it is to "multi-task" when maybe you should be focused on just one thing. Your post has made me more aware and I will take the time out of my day from now on to focus on the things I use to see as "Im sure she'll be okay"
Thank you for this blog and allowing family, friends and strangers to witness this miracle!
We are so glad that Bronson is home and well now! I will hold onto this story forever!!!
The Doyle Family
Nashville, TN

Kymberly Foster Seabolt said...

I too read this with tears - but also the comfort of knowing that your later updates are so full of joy.

I'm another mom who "walked away" more than once. Got distracted. Acted human. You are human. The best gift you can give your family is to forgive yourself. By sharing this blog and opening your hearts you have opened eyes too.

Bless you.

The Boob Nazi said...

Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. I will pray for you and your little guy.

Cailie said...

I saw your blog linked on someone elses. I have tears streaming down my face and want you to know I am a Christian and will be praying. He sounds like quite the little fighter and it sounds like a mighty miracle is being worked!


Caroline said...

I am sending all of my prayers, thoughts and love!!!!! Miracles do happen!!! ONE will Happen!! MUCH MUCH LOVE TO ALL OF YOUR FAMILY!!

Megan said...

You are amazing. Thank you for sharing this painful yet amazing story. Thank you for helping me to remember to be grateful for what I have.

my name is lauren. said...

oh my goodness, this is breaking my heart.

i've never read your blog before....just linked here from a mention of this on another blog, and i will definitely be praying for your family and your little one.


Jonsson's Journey's said...

Sara , You don't know me I am a family member of some of your friends that had mentioned you and your family on Facebook.

Thank you for letting so many of us (some you don't even know) read this very sad but also beautiful story of Love.
Adrian Jonsson

Kelli said...

Be strong!! Thank you for being brave enough to share your story as a reminder to us all!!!

Amanda Gross said...

As a mother who lost a child, I empathize with you. With that said, I lost a child and had no control over what happened. At 2 years and 2 months of age, he succumbed to a secret killer - myocarditis. We had no indication of the disease, and, even if we had, there was no way to avoid the inevitable. One morning, he just didn't wake up - and I was the one who found him.

I am happy that your son is doing better, and I hope that one day you can forgive yourself for doing chores instead of watching your small child in a bathtub full of water. As parents, it is (or should be) common knowledge that it takes only a couple of inches to cause a child to drown. You neglected this and, therefore, made THIS inevitable happen.

May God watch over your child; give him a full and quick recovery.

Amanda Gross said...

As a mother who lost a child, I empathize with you. With that said, I lost a child and had no control over what happened. At 2 years and 2 months of age, he succumbed to a secret killer - myocarditis. We had no indication of the disease, and, even if we had, there was no way to avoid the inevitable. One morning, he just didn't wake up - and I was the one who found him.

I am happy that your son is doing better, and I hope that one day you can forgive yourself for doing chores instead of watching your small child in a bathtub full of water. As parents, it is (or should be) common knowledge that it takes only a couple of inches to cause a child to drown. You neglected this and, therefore, made THIS inevitable happen.

May God watch over your child; give him a full and quick recovery.

Jared and Janelle said...

Your story really touched me. Thank you.I am so glad that Bronson is okay and he is doing so well. What a miracle. Your story gave me the goosebumps.I am glad Bronson got a second chance at life. You seem like the most loving and wonderful mother. We lost our son Tyson four months ago and it was a miracle that he lived to be five. God watches over us.

Janelle Mack

Anonymous said...

You don't have any idea who I am, and I don't know who you are. But your blog was on my friend's blog so I decided to take a look. I can relate a little to what you are going through. My 17 year old brother has spent the last 5 weeks in the PICU at PCMC and was transferred to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota-all for a reason that NO ONE knows the answer to. He was at the Mayo for 2 weeks, and was FINALLY able to come home last week.

I want you guys to be reminded that prayer does work. Heavenly Father is watching over you, and knows of your struggles. My brother had over 500 tests at the Mayo and Primary's and STILL to this day, there aren't any answers as to what is wrong with him. Needless to say, he is home, doing much better, and is making progress. God is real, and miracles do happen. I will definitely keep your son and your family in my prayers.

Best of luck!

Melody said...

I am so happy for Bronson and your family's special miracle! Are you related to Nathan Staker and Eliza Burton? They experienced a similar miracle in 1862 when their 18 month old daughter, Eliza Jane drowned in an irrigation ditch and was brought back to life by the apostle Orson Hyde. Alvin D. Day wrote about this in the January 1947 Improvement Era, "She Shall Live." Thank you for sharing your inspirational story.

Holly said...

Please, please don't hold yourself responsible. As a mom of a 5 year old daughter and 2 year old son, there have been so many times that I have done the very same thing. I am so very thankful that the outcome was a healthy happy little boy. God truly has a very special plan for Bronson and I look forward to following you and your family on you blog :-)
Holly Stiles
North Carolina
Please know that our family is praying for your family!

Melissa said...

I saw your story on the Today show. While I was impressed with you and your family, I do admit that my first reaction was to judge you a little. I pushed it away and did feel compassion but my gut reaction was to be negative. I'm sorry.

I didn't think anything else about it and went on my way. And then yesterday, my daughter fell out of the shopping cart and hit her head...hard. I was careless. It was my fault. We ended up in the E.R. but luckily she is just fine. But I thought of you and how I judged you and I felt so ashamed.

We do make mistakes as parents. We are not perfect. But I am so grateful that my mistake didn't end up resulting in worse. I found your blog and read though, bawling my eyes out of your account of what happened. I feel so awful for you and what you went through. I'm so incredibly happy that your son is doing so well and that he's still here and that you don't have to carry the burden of his death around with you for the rest of your life. God is good. I am so glad to have witnessed your miracle. Blessings to you all.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Susan said...

My name is Susan Bates. Right now we are experiencing the same experience as you went through. Our 20 month old fell into the creek behind our house and drowned and is in the Primary Childrens Hospital PICU. A nurse told me about your blog. I've only read a little bit , but I just wanted to say thanks for posting your experience. It helps to know someone else has gone through this, too.

Anonymous said...

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Morey Maniacs said...

I was reading another blog and someone linked to yours...your story was so heart wrenching. I will admit to leaving my 15-month old alone in the tub while I throw a load of laundry in the wash or pick up the toys around the house. It's so hard to get everything done in just a couple of hours after work. Your story made me sit down during bath time and pay attention. My first son passed away when he was 3 and I don't want to go through that again. Thank you, and I am so happy that your situation wasn't worse.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but this is ridiculous. You are an irresponsible parent who almost killed your kid, and now you're trying to profit from this by going on NBC news and posting here?

Wow! Unbelievable. Keep this private and don't expose the fact that you're an irresponsible mom.

Varena said...

This is to "Anonymous" Dec. 2 2010, 7:24am. From your response, you have yet a lot to learn about life. Others will pray for you. My guess is that either you think of yourself as perfect or you haven't made peace with the mistakes you've made. I suspect the latter. OWNING and then confessing one's errors, including the most horrendous and consequential ones, is at least HALF of the solution to the problem. Feeling guilt helps people course-correct (or "repent" if you believe in God). SHAME does none of that. Shame begets dark secrets and dark secrets shun the Light. "Exposing" ourselves to the Light of Christ's Atoning sacrifice makes all the difference in the world. And this family's unselfish candidness has blessed a lot of the other less than perfect parents and innocent children in the world. Pray for them. Pray for all of us. Pray for yourself. And do what it takes to course-correct. And help others avoid your mistakes. As a great woman said, "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself." Mistakes do happen even under the most attentive of circumstances.